Cocooning - Insight into What Life Will Look Like for Us When We Get Home

It’s. Time.

Paperwork is being gathered, bags are being packed, and on Monday, as in THIS Monday, Derek and I will be boarding a plane and making the long trek to India.  (Still in total, complete shock over here...)

THANK YOU to all of you who have prayed for us, given financially, or just asked about the process. The support we have felt has been overwhelming and it is taking all I have not to walk around a continual, blubbering mess right now.

I wanted to give a little insight into what the next few months will be like for our family and tell you how you can help.

Pearl has lived just about every single day of her two short years in an orphanage, supposedly a “good” one, but still an institutionalized orphanage. She comes from a multiple-caregiver situation, has been taken care of by devoted nannies, but she has never known the concept of a Mom or Dad.

In her world, any adult in the room (most especially women) are there to take care of her. We will be spending the next year teaching her, and demonstrating to her, that we are Mom and Dad.

We will need to teach her to trust, love, and attach/bond with us.

Our prayer is that she will attach to us, and her sisters, but ultimately to her good, good, heavenly Father.

The best way for us to teach her these things is by “cocooning”, which basically means we'll be circling our wagons and hunkering down with our little family for a while.

She will be overwhelmed by foreign people, foreign smells, foreign language, etc. when we come home. It will take time for her to feel safe and secure with us.

For her sake alone, we will make her world small by not taking her out very much, or introducing her to too many people or places at first. We will essentially attempt to recreate the newborn/parent connection that she missed out on.

This principle is not permanent, but absolutely necessary in the beginning.

The best way for us to do this is by Derek and I being the ones to feed, hold, hug, instruct, and soothe Pearl. As we repeat these things over and over again, she will learn that Mom and Dad are to be trusted and loved.

 

Once Pearl establishes these bonds with us, she will be able to branch out and build other relationships (yay!)

You guys can play an important role in all of this.  We ask you to set physical boundaries at first. For a little while, this would include things like holding, excessive hugging or kissing, etc. Children from these backgrounds tend to attach very easily to anyone and everyone. 

Things like waving, high fives, and blowing kisses are TOTALLY appropriate & welcomed!

Also it will help in the healing process, if you guys redirect Pearl to us. If she comes to you for food, or to be picked up, or for emotional nurturing (like if she gets hurt), you redirecting her to me or to Derek, will help tremendously in us establishing who we are as Mom and Dad, those she can absolutely trust to meet whatever need she has.

We pray that Pearl’s healing will come quickly, but we also understand that this is a life-long journey for her and us.

We are heading into the trenches, y’all.

Please pray for Derek, Gloria, Grace, Pearl and me during this time.

Pearl is one super blessed little girl to have so many people who love her, who are cheering for her and are praying for her already!

Thank you for loving us so well!

Our Family's Best of 2014

Since I posted our family's best and most memorable events here last year, I thought I'd do another year-end recap from 2014...

Presenting the top 11 (because we couldn't agree on just 10) highlight reel from 2014 from our family:

11. Community, growth and service

Derek and I opened our home again this year to two different small groups, one in the spring and a different one this past fall.  We loved having all the couples over each Sunday night to discuss, pray and laugh together.  With the other small groups from our church, we journeyed through two different books, Joseph by Charles Swindoll and Families Where Grace is in Place by Jeff Van Vonderen.  Both were excellent and challenging reads.  So grateful for the camaraderie we experienced both semesters.

Tacky sweater Christmas party!

 

In August, Derek and I began serving in Kids Crossing at our church each Sunday morning.  We are the hosts for large group, which means we have scripts and scripture we have to memorize and teach each week.  Though we're certainly not actors, the teachers in us sure have enjoyed working together and engaging with the kids in this way! 

A few months ago, during the second service, Grace started helping in the kindergarten class, using her gifts of patience, teaching and love for children.  Also, both girls have been a part of the Kids Worship Team this year.  Each month they learn new songs and then lead worship in Kids Crossing on their designated Sunday.  It has blessed our hearts watching them sing and dance for Jesus from backstage!

10. Technology conference at the University of Texas in Austin

While Derek attended classes and seminars during the mornings and afternoons, I spent three hot, July days resting, reading, working out and staying poolside.  Yes, I was a lucky girl, indeed!  In the evenings, we explored the eclectic city of Austin in our cute little rental car, enjoyed dinner out and even went shopping for boots.  Because when in Rome...or Texas...

9. Ended 3rd year of homeschooling; began 4th term here at Fort Academy

Our curriculum left us in Ancient Greece back in May and in August, we began our history lessons with Ancient Rome. 

Field trip to Rome, Georgia, to see Romulus and Remus,
founders of Ancient Rome as legend tells it.

The girls are currently in 2nd and 5th grades this year and doing exceptionally well.  Just like any other classroom, with any other teacher, and with any other students, we have great days and on occasion, we have a few not-so-great days.  That's just life.  (Especially life spent teaching your own flesh and blood, day in and day out. ;))  We've all learned so much, but I've most certainly learned the most.  Very thankful for the second education I'm getting this go-around and very thankful for all the time I get to spend with my girls!

8.  Field trip to Kentucky and Ohio

As an extension of having gone through the Old Testament last school year, we took a road trip to the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky over spring break in April.  We also traveled to the Cincinnati Zoo and then into Indiana, just so the girls could color one more state on their map. :) On the way home, we made a quick stop in Louisville at Churchill Downs and let the girls see where the Kentucky Derby is run each spring. 

 

7.  Gymnastics & softball

In January of this year, both girls began going to gymnastics one hour, once a week at a local gymnastics center.  During the summer, they became part of a team, the Gym Stars, and are now at the gym two hours a day, two days a week.  They have had two mini/mock meets so far and also had the chance to march in the local Christmas parade with their gym.  They will begin meets in March and are very excited to have a small taste of competition.  We are shocked at how many skills both of them have gained this year, but mostly at how strong they both have become.  And I have to say they probably spend more time on their hands than their feet nowadays!

Gloria played another season of 6U softball this past spring and Derek coached her team again.  I sure hope we never stop loving being on the ballfield!

 

6.  Beach trip to Destin, Florida

It had been five years, but in September all four of us were able to go to the beach together and we couldn't have asked for a better trip.  Well...except for the last morning there.  But since I wrote about that here in my last post, I'll move ahead to the next one...

 

5. Camping in our new tent

Never say never.  Because I said I'd never sleep in a tent.  I said I'd never go camping in a tent.  But when you're family wants to try it, you give in or get left out.  So...we bought a tent (and a whole bunch of other camping supplies) and went camping in October, tent style.  And after three days snuggled up in sleeping bags, on cots, out in the great outdoors, it wasn't bad.  As a matter of fact, I could even say, it was fun, because well...it was fun.  So much so, that we just might pack up house and home and try it again in 2015. :)

 

4. Trip to New York

Anthony, my friend's husband, called in late September to let me know of his big birthday plans for his wife, Terri. She would be turning 40 in November and had always wanted to see the Broadway show, "Wicked". Terri's husband wanted to surprise her with a trip to NYC to see the show. Derek and Anthony started having conversations about the trip, how it would be even more fun if we were able to join them in the celebration, especially since the three of us had all just turned 40 within the last few months. The two of them began planning, scheduling, and making reservations for all of four of us to go.  We were successfully able to keep the entire trip a complete secret for nearly six weeks! Terri was beyond surprised when they arrived in NYC and we were already at the hotel waiting for them.  The four of us had an amazing time; it will definitely go down as one of the all-time, best vacations we've ever had!



The suckers may say, "40 sucks", but our trip to NYC sure didn't!

3.  Derek's technology conference in Orlando...and Disney World!

During the last week in January, Derek had his first technology conference of the year in Orlando.  We decided to take the whole family down earlier than his conference and enjoy a few days at Disney World.  Derek and I managed to keep our plans a total surprise for the girls.  They only thought we were going to hang out at a hotel for three days, doing school, swimming, etc. while Dad went to his sessions.  They had no idea where we were headed and all the plans we'd made. 

All of our secret planning paid off in a huge way when, shortly after 10:00pm, we approached the infamous "Welcome to Disney World" sign before entering the Disney resorts.  The girls were shocked, totally and completely surprised.  There were tears, and smiles, shrieks, and laughter.  All the emotions we'd hope we'd see, we saw late that night in the car.  When the week was over, we wound up having the most magical time (of course we did...it's Disney!), including meeting Elsa and Anna, which clinched the entire trip for them.  Here's to hoping Derek goes back to another conference in Orlando very soon!

2.  Our "over the hill" birthdays

Big year for us celebrating our big 4-0's!

 

1.  My brother is cancer-free!

In mid-January of this past year, my younger brother called with devastating news.  He had cancer, Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  For six months, every other week, he received his prescribed dose of chemotherapy.  He got sick.  He lost some weight.  He lost some hair.  But never, not that I ever saw, did he lose his fighting spirit.  Now, I'm sure he had some very difficult moments, like when he caught a stomach virus while his immune system was compromised which put him in the hospital because he was deathly ill.  And I'm sure there were others behind closed doors, but even then, he always seemed to maintain hope, bravery and positivity in the midst of it all. 

In June, when his last chemo session was all said and done, and his scans came back "normal", we celebrated.  We celebrated because not only did God walk through those stressful, hard months with my brother, his wife and our family and friends, but He chose, in His sovereign kindness, to heal my brother.  And for that reason alone, we celebrated.  And we still celebrate.  Without a doubt, the best thing that happened in our family during 2014 is that my brother is healthy and well.

He's the man!

For all our family has been extremely fortunate to do this year, we are grateful.  We are grateful for the opportunities to travel and the experiences we've had together.  As we look ahead, I thought this quote which one of my favorite comedians posted on Facebook sums up how I feel about the upcoming year:

"Hey 2015 - I see you waiting there. 

I reach out confidently to shake your hand because

I know Who goes before me and

Who is for me

and Whose I am."

~ Anita Renfroe

Happy 2015 to you all!

Our Top, Best, & Most Memorable 10 in 2013

Because I love good summaries, closure, and wrapping things up in neat, little bows, I thought I'd present our family's highlight reel for the year 2013:

1. Mini-Vacations and Family Getaways: 
January - Invited by friends, we spent MLK, Jr. weekend in a gorgeous cabin in Blue Ridge, Georgia.  Rode four-wheelers, ice skated and enjoyed hanging out in the beautiful North Georgia Mountains.

June - Told the girls we were taking them on a mystery trip.  Packed their bags and surprised them with a quick weekend getaway to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.  Attended the Dixie Stampede dinner show, went to the infamous Dollywood amusement park and stayed at the Wilderness at the Smokies lodge, where we rode the giant indoor water slides, surfed the waves, and swam in the pools.

September - Girls and I joined my parents on their vacation in Destin, Florida for a few days.  Prior to this beach trip, our toes had not touched the sand in four, very long years.  Nothing like a little beach therapy to make up for lost times!

October - Thanks to my aunt and uncle's extreme generosity in letting us borrow their camper, we got to spend a few days camping at a local state park.  Hiked, roasted marshmallows, rode our bikes on the trails, kayaked, and even hosted Grace's 10th birthday at the campsite. We decided camping (in a nice, clean camper) is definitely our thing.

2. Softball:
Two girls.  Two teams.  Bring on the spring...and fall.  Both girls signed up to play softball in the spring and in the fall of this past year.  Derek was the head coach for both of their teams, both seasons.  Made for some crazy-busy evenings, lots of "go, go, go", but also lots of great memories!

3. Adoption:
Whereas 2012 was filled with announcing our desire to adopt, filling out loads of paperwork, organizing fundraisers, and being matched with an orphanage in India, 2013 seemed to follow a much different pattern.

In the spring, we hit a wall with all the progress we'd made and since then, have been experiencing a long, dry season of nothingness.  This extended time of waiting has been difficult, but also beneficial.  We've learned to lean into God's promises even more, choosing to spend this season resting in His presence now as He continues to prepare us for what's ahead in the future.

But one exciting thing happened in November relating to adoption.  We got to hang out with hundreds of other adoptive families when we heard of an opportunity to participate in a music video shoot for Christian recording artist, John Waller. He'd recently written a new song entitled, "Orphan" and had asked families who'd adopted, who are in the process of adopting or who have a heart for adoption to come out and be a part of the video shoot. We didn't want to pass up the opportunity, so we drove over an hour away and stood out in the middle of a cow pasture in the rain for several hours just to be a part. So glad we took the time to go and make the memories that we did.  Priceless.

4. Secret Keeper Girl Dates:
After attending our first Secret Keeper Girl event in January, I bought the book, 8 Great Dates for Moms and Daughters to do with my oldest, Grace.  Starting in February, we went on one date a month, leading up to her tenth birthday.  Of all the experiences this year, Grace still speaks about these special times with me.  Whether we were having tea at a local cafe, getting our nails done, touring a museum, walking the local botanical gardens, shopping, stopping for hot chocolate at Starbucks, or listening to a former Victoria Secrets model's testimony, we both enjoyed these special moments together.

5. 20-Year High School Reunion
Spent the evening catching up with some of my fellow Bulldog classmates.  It was great to see so many faces I hadn't seen in a long time as well as seeing face-to-face others I only get to see on Facebook!  Loved my sweet friends then; still love them now.

6. New Position at Work

After spending the last 16 years teaching math to middle/high students (bless him), as well as working as the Instructional Technology Specialist at his school, Derek moved to the Central Office and into a new role as Lead Technology Specialist for the county in which he works.  Though it's been a transition for him filled with new growth opportunities, it's also been a welcomed change in the last few months. (The girls even like to visit Daddy's new office and write on his very clean dry erase board.)

7. Started 3rd Year of Homeschooling
Biggest accomplishment this school year has been not only our six year old, Gloria, learning to read, but absolutely exploding in reading.  Once she got it, she got it.  She's made such a huge leap into reading this year that we still can't believe all she's reading, including chapter books, her Jesus Calling devotional and even the Bible.  Big deal for our little girl!

8. Celebrated 15 Years of Marriage!

As a present for our fifteenth anniversary, we went to NYC over Labor Day weekend.  New York had been on our bucket list since we'd gotten married, and so we decided to bite the bullet and go.  Times Square, Broadway, Staten Island Ferry past the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, Upper West Side of Manhattan, Brooklyn Tabernacle, Chinatown, carriage ride through Central Park, etc.  Great few days of sight seeing, eating and exploring the city that never sleeps!

9. Hosted a Small Group in our Home
One of our favorite happenings this year was deciding to be small group leaders at our church for the fall semester.  We opened the doors to our home and every Sunday in walked some amazing friends. Along with the rest of the small groups in our church body, we made our way through the book, Sun Stand Still.  We read, we discussed, we shared, we prayed and we were challenged to walk in and pray with audacious faith.  Daring to ask God, believing Him for the impossible.  We also had way too much fun if that's even possible on Sunday nights.

10.  Gloria's Baptism
By far, our most memorable event in 2013 happened in March.  Our youngest daughter, Gloria, decided she was ready to make public something that had happened privately in our home and in her heart.  She was ready to be baptized in front of both her immediate family and her church family, demonstrating her choice to follow Jesus and her spiritual adoption into His family forever.  It was definitely one of our best days ever, equal to the day our oldest made the same choice four years earlier.  Our hearts are beyond grateful.  And we have been richly blessed.



So, goodbye, 2013.  Hello, 2014.  Can't wait to see all that the new year brings!