From a Panic Attack to God Singing Over Us at an Airport in India

Two months ago, the night before our flight out of Atlanta, the first physical step in thousands of miles we were to take in the direction of our Pearl, I slept for barely two hours.

The burdensome weight of years of waiting for this moment to come, coupled with the reality of what we were actually doing the following morning, combined with the overwhelming sadness of being separated from Gloria and Grace for two weeks finally caught up...and overtook me.

Every kind of emotion, all the excitement, the anticipation, the fear, the tears, and yes, even nausea came out.

What I know now, but didn't comprehend then, was that I had a panic attack.  And it was bad.  Very bad.

Even though the anxiety inside me was greater than either my body or my mind has ever experienced, even though I was balled up on my bathroom floor, I still heard a very specific, very real command spoken to my spirit.

"Stand firm."

It was one I'd noticed God emphasizing, highlighting to me from His Word for weeks leading up to that moment.

"Finally, be strong in the LORD and in His mighty power.

Put on the full armor of God

so that you can take your STAND against the devil's schemes...

Therefore put on the full armor of God,

so that when the day of evil comes,

you may be able to STAND your ground,

and after you have done everything, to STAND. 

STAND FIRM then..." Ephesians 6:10-14a

 

In those middle of the night moments, I wavered. I doubted. I lost faith. Every promise God had given us, all the miraculous deeds He'd done on our behalf, all the hope of the future nearly flew out the window.  I was weak and crippled by fear.

"Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me...

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 

The very same One whose powerful words spoke all of creation, all of life into existence, spoke to me, cared enough for His daughter's trembling heart, to speak and to comfort and to infuse courage back into it.

 

And the next morning?

 

Though weeping may remain for a night, rejoicing comes in the morning!

 

 

 

Exhausted, yet elated, we boarded our first flight and left America behind. We flew about nine hours, landed in Frankfurt, Germany, had a six-hour layover and then boarded our second flight. We flew eight hours and finally landed at the Delhi airport in India.

 

It was just after midnight when we arrived. Though beautiful and exotic, nothing was familiar. We truly felt like the foreigners we were in a distant land.

 

 

We stood in line to get our boarding passes for our next flight, the one to Pune, where Pearl's orphanage was located.  We went through security and began our long trek to the other side of the airport where our next departure gate was located. 

 

Since we had several hours before our connecting flight, we decided to find a quiet place to take a moment to collect ourselves. We found just that in a more secluded area of the airport, right in front of a coffee shop.

 

Most of this side of the airport was still asleep. The refreshment stands and restaurants were not open for business, it being 3:00am local time. The atmosphere was calm and peaceful. Just what we needed after all the hustle and bustle through which we'd just come.

 

The coffee shop was just opening their doors for the business of the day.  Derek and I sat down at a table several yards in front of the store. 

 

Derek began looking over some of our important documents, the itinerary, etc., while I put my feet up and reflected over all that we'd been through the past 24+ hours.  All the travel, all the roller coasters of feelings I was still battling, all the requirements that still had to be met to get our girl.

 

We'd only been seated a couple of minutes when someone, somewhere, turned on some music. Just a couple of notes played through the speakers, breaking the eerie silence, when Derek and I looked up from our own personal revelries, locked eyes and gasped.

 

We could not believe what our ears were hearing.

 

In the middle of Indira Gandhi International Airport, in the capital of India, in the midst of all things Indian, this is what we heard from a voice we recognized immediately:

 

"Oh, I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like

But I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night

And you tell me that you're pleased

And that I'm never alone.

 

You're a Good, Good Father

It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are

And I'm loved by You

It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

 

Oh, it's love so undeniable

I, I can hardly speak

Peace so unexplainable

I, I can hardly think

As you call me deeper still

Into love, love, love...

 

You're a Good, Good Father

It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are

And I'm loved by You

It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am."

(Chris Tomlin)

 

Familiar words from a familiar voice. In a foreign land, far away from all that was familiar to us.

 

We knew the lyrics of the song well. 

 

By heart actually.  We humbly join in worship with other believers, other children of the Most High, to sing that song regularly at our church.

 

We know the Good, Good Father well, too. 

 

Individually, and as a married couple, we've walked with Him for years.  And yet, He still blew us away with this "tender whisper of love in the dead of night".

 

Tears fell. From both of our eyes. We were speechless. And overwhelmed. All we could do was remain still.  His presence so thick we were nearly undone.

 

In a country, in an airport where contemporary praise/worship-filled music most certainly is not the norm, He showed us He was there. Immanuel, God with us. That He sees, that He knows, that He cares about every single detail.

That He goes before us, fights for us and would indeed be our "cloud by day" and "fire by night" on this journey. And most of all, that He is the Father to the fatherless.

 

That moment gave us an unexplainable, incomprehensible peace we hadn't had before, erasing anxiety and fear, causing an immense, all-encompassing, bold-as-lions courage to swell inside our hearts.

 

How could we ever forget that moment?

 

The moment when God proved (once again) how perfect He is in all His ways.  When He took over the sound system, the intercom, in a Hindu-dominated country so that His daughter and His son might be encouraged with familiarity, with Truth, and the closeness of His presence.

 

Only His mighty arm is that strong and only His Father's heart is that personal, that intentional and that attentive to what His children need at just the moment they need it.

 

Only a Good, Good Father does that.

 

"The LORD your God is with you,

He is mighty to save. 

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with His love,

He will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

 

 

**For the record (or for any doubting Thomas's out there),we sat and listened to hours of music following this incident while we waited for our next flight.  NEVER was there any other song similar to this (or even sung in English for that matter) played over the airwaves while we were at the airport.**

 

 

PASSPORT, baby!

"Like cold water to a weary soul,

 is good news from a distant land."

Proverbs 25:25

From an orphanage in a country far, far away...

To an adoption agency in this country just a few states away...

We received the best, most awaited, most "scream and dance around the kitchen worthy" news.

THE PASSPORT IS READY!
THE PASSPORT IS READY!
THE PASSPORT IS READY!

AAHHHHHH!!!

Okay. So what comes next?

We are still in need (I know...I know...) of a form called Article 23 which is issued from CARA (governing agency of all things adoption related) and which usually comes on the heels of the passport.

No biggie. We should, we hope, we pray, have it this week.

Once our agency has Article 23, they will:

• coordinate our arrival with the orphanage
• schedule our appointment with the medical office where we have to take Pearl for a physical and TB testing before we can leave
• arrange our VISA appointment with the U.S. Embassy in Delhi.

While our adoption agency is taking care of those details, Derek and I will be working with an adoption travel agency to book our flights.

We will fly into the city where she is and stay there several days, then fly north to Delhi where we will stay approximately another week to complete the adoption process. Lots (& lots) of flights ahead for us!

Estimated time in India?  About two weeks.
Estimated time before we get on a plane to go to India?  About two weeks.

Eeek!!!

Let the full-force packing begin!

1 Little Girl, 1 Court Date, 1 Judgment = 1 HUGE Reason to Celebrate!

In one moment, on one February day, in one courtroom, declared by one judge, in one foreign country, one little girl's life changed forever. 

And she doesn't even know it. 

Yet.

The news we'd been waiting for (for like forever) came today. 

We passed court.

WE PASSED COURT.

WE PASSED COURT!!!

The official, legal, adoptive parents of our Pearl. You can call us that now. 
The official, legal, adoptive daughter of Michele and Derek. You can call our girl that now.

In one moment, on one February day, in one courtroom, declared by one judge, in one foreign country, one little family's life changed forever. 

And we don't even know just how much. 

Yet.

To say our family is ecstatic is an understatement.

Four years of waiting, mounds upon mounds of paperwork, fingerprints, fundraising, conversations, preparation, documentation and mounds upon mounds of prayers preface this news. 

It's been a long time coming.  And now.

Now, we wait for her orphanage to receive her passport.  When we get word the passport has arrived, we go. 

We go. 

To the other side of the world.  (what?!?)

Until then, we will be preparing to go. 

Derek said his head is already spinning.  Mine will be soon. 

But right now, in this moment, I'm still sane and thinking clearly. (Ask me next week and see how I am then. Could be that I'm curled up in a fetal position in a corner of my bedroom, rocking and singing to myself...)

Our agency is expecting us to travel within the next two months.  They're estimating us being in country by mid-April. 

Our girl's 2nd birthday is on March 20 and we would love to be there with her to celebrate. But our agency isn't confident that is a realistic option for us.  I hope not to be too broken-hearted if it doesn't happen. :(

Timing is everything.  I tell my girls this all the time.  It's true.  God stirred us and prodded us to this call over four years ago.  Every human emotion has been felt through all the ups & downs, mountains & valleys, and activity & nothingness. 

He thought this up.  It's His deal. His plan. For His glory alone.

And it will come to pass--not one moment too soon, nor one moment too late--but exactly when He wants and wills for it to happen. 

"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. 

Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3

We're just thrilled we get the opportunity to celebrate this one piece of news today and give thanks to the One who made it happen.

Our Family's Best of 2014

Since I posted our family's best and most memorable events here last year, I thought I'd do another year-end recap from 2014...

Presenting the top 11 (because we couldn't agree on just 10) highlight reel from 2014 from our family:

11. Community, growth and service

Derek and I opened our home again this year to two different small groups, one in the spring and a different one this past fall.  We loved having all the couples over each Sunday night to discuss, pray and laugh together.  With the other small groups from our church, we journeyed through two different books, Joseph by Charles Swindoll and Families Where Grace is in Place by Jeff Van Vonderen.  Both were excellent and challenging reads.  So grateful for the camaraderie we experienced both semesters.

Tacky sweater Christmas party!

 

In August, Derek and I began serving in Kids Crossing at our church each Sunday morning.  We are the hosts for large group, which means we have scripts and scripture we have to memorize and teach each week.  Though we're certainly not actors, the teachers in us sure have enjoyed working together and engaging with the kids in this way! 

A few months ago, during the second service, Grace started helping in the kindergarten class, using her gifts of patience, teaching and love for children.  Also, both girls have been a part of the Kids Worship Team this year.  Each month they learn new songs and then lead worship in Kids Crossing on their designated Sunday.  It has blessed our hearts watching them sing and dance for Jesus from backstage!

10. Technology conference at the University of Texas in Austin

While Derek attended classes and seminars during the mornings and afternoons, I spent three hot, July days resting, reading, working out and staying poolside.  Yes, I was a lucky girl, indeed!  In the evenings, we explored the eclectic city of Austin in our cute little rental car, enjoyed dinner out and even went shopping for boots.  Because when in Rome...or Texas...

9. Ended 3rd year of homeschooling; began 4th term here at Fort Academy

Our curriculum left us in Ancient Greece back in May and in August, we began our history lessons with Ancient Rome. 

Field trip to Rome, Georgia, to see Romulus and Remus,
founders of Ancient Rome as legend tells it.

The girls are currently in 2nd and 5th grades this year and doing exceptionally well.  Just like any other classroom, with any other teacher, and with any other students, we have great days and on occasion, we have a few not-so-great days.  That's just life.  (Especially life spent teaching your own flesh and blood, day in and day out. ;))  We've all learned so much, but I've most certainly learned the most.  Very thankful for the second education I'm getting this go-around and very thankful for all the time I get to spend with my girls!

8.  Field trip to Kentucky and Ohio

As an extension of having gone through the Old Testament last school year, we took a road trip to the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky over spring break in April.  We also traveled to the Cincinnati Zoo and then into Indiana, just so the girls could color one more state on their map. :) On the way home, we made a quick stop in Louisville at Churchill Downs and let the girls see where the Kentucky Derby is run each spring. 

 

7.  Gymnastics & softball

In January of this year, both girls began going to gymnastics one hour, once a week at a local gymnastics center.  During the summer, they became part of a team, the Gym Stars, and are now at the gym two hours a day, two days a week.  They have had two mini/mock meets so far and also had the chance to march in the local Christmas parade with their gym.  They will begin meets in March and are very excited to have a small taste of competition.  We are shocked at how many skills both of them have gained this year, but mostly at how strong they both have become.  And I have to say they probably spend more time on their hands than their feet nowadays!

Gloria played another season of 6U softball this past spring and Derek coached her team again.  I sure hope we never stop loving being on the ballfield!

 

6.  Beach trip to Destin, Florida

It had been five years, but in September all four of us were able to go to the beach together and we couldn't have asked for a better trip.  Well...except for the last morning there.  But since I wrote about that here in my last post, I'll move ahead to the next one...

 

5. Camping in our new tent

Never say never.  Because I said I'd never sleep in a tent.  I said I'd never go camping in a tent.  But when you're family wants to try it, you give in or get left out.  So...we bought a tent (and a whole bunch of other camping supplies) and went camping in October, tent style.  And after three days snuggled up in sleeping bags, on cots, out in the great outdoors, it wasn't bad.  As a matter of fact, I could even say, it was fun, because well...it was fun.  So much so, that we just might pack up house and home and try it again in 2015. :)

 

4. Trip to New York

Anthony, my friend's husband, called in late September to let me know of his big birthday plans for his wife, Terri. She would be turning 40 in November and had always wanted to see the Broadway show, "Wicked". Terri's husband wanted to surprise her with a trip to NYC to see the show. Derek and Anthony started having conversations about the trip, how it would be even more fun if we were able to join them in the celebration, especially since the three of us had all just turned 40 within the last few months. The two of them began planning, scheduling, and making reservations for all of four of us to go.  We were successfully able to keep the entire trip a complete secret for nearly six weeks! Terri was beyond surprised when they arrived in NYC and we were already at the hotel waiting for them.  The four of us had an amazing time; it will definitely go down as one of the all-time, best vacations we've ever had!



The suckers may say, "40 sucks", but our trip to NYC sure didn't!

3.  Derek's technology conference in Orlando...and Disney World!

During the last week in January, Derek had his first technology conference of the year in Orlando.  We decided to take the whole family down earlier than his conference and enjoy a few days at Disney World.  Derek and I managed to keep our plans a total surprise for the girls.  They only thought we were going to hang out at a hotel for three days, doing school, swimming, etc. while Dad went to his sessions.  They had no idea where we were headed and all the plans we'd made. 

All of our secret planning paid off in a huge way when, shortly after 10:00pm, we approached the infamous "Welcome to Disney World" sign before entering the Disney resorts.  The girls were shocked, totally and completely surprised.  There were tears, and smiles, shrieks, and laughter.  All the emotions we'd hope we'd see, we saw late that night in the car.  When the week was over, we wound up having the most magical time (of course we did...it's Disney!), including meeting Elsa and Anna, which clinched the entire trip for them.  Here's to hoping Derek goes back to another conference in Orlando very soon!

2.  Our "over the hill" birthdays

Big year for us celebrating our big 4-0's!

 

1.  My brother is cancer-free!

In mid-January of this past year, my younger brother called with devastating news.  He had cancer, Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  For six months, every other week, he received his prescribed dose of chemotherapy.  He got sick.  He lost some weight.  He lost some hair.  But never, not that I ever saw, did he lose his fighting spirit.  Now, I'm sure he had some very difficult moments, like when he caught a stomach virus while his immune system was compromised which put him in the hospital because he was deathly ill.  And I'm sure there were others behind closed doors, but even then, he always seemed to maintain hope, bravery and positivity in the midst of it all. 

In June, when his last chemo session was all said and done, and his scans came back "normal", we celebrated.  We celebrated because not only did God walk through those stressful, hard months with my brother, his wife and our family and friends, but He chose, in His sovereign kindness, to heal my brother.  And for that reason alone, we celebrated.  And we still celebrate.  Without a doubt, the best thing that happened in our family during 2014 is that my brother is healthy and well.

He's the man!

For all our family has been extremely fortunate to do this year, we are grateful.  We are grateful for the opportunities to travel and the experiences we've had together.  As we look ahead, I thought this quote which one of my favorite comedians posted on Facebook sums up how I feel about the upcoming year:

"Hey 2015 - I see you waiting there. 

I reach out confidently to shake your hand because

I know Who goes before me and

Who is for me

and Whose I am."

~ Anita Renfroe

Happy 2015 to you all!