What is Prayer, Really?

For anyone else who may need a shake up and/or dose of encouragement with your current prayer life like I sure have...here's my 2 cents this morning:

Prayer is not reduced to a habit that "good" Christians do.  It's not something to be checked off in the morning.  Or a ritual at night.  It's not a burden.  It's not an obligation.  It's not a duty.

So...what then?

I sure do love this super simple (but very profound) definition I read this morning!

"Prayer is being with God Who is always with you."

After being a redeemed child of God for 30+ years, I'm STILL learning that prayer is abiding.  It's simply dialoguing with my Father.  It's ongoing.  Unceasing.

This talking with Him, leaning upon Him, submitting to Him, is a privilege.  A privilege I don't take advantage of nearly enough.

This week I am LOVING the yellow dot stickers my pastor passed out to us on Sunday, challenging our church to remember to pray...hourly as a matter of fact.  I admit I've missed that mark, but I'm grateful for the purpose of the challenge.

Seeing that sticker has encouraged me to stay conscious of conversation with Him.

Being WITH Him, as He is always WITH me.

And if I don't get, or practice, or change anything else in 2015, at least I'm beginning this year (re)learning how to pray.

Amen.  And amen.

Why We're Homeschooling Again This Year

As much as we'd like to proclaim, "LONG LIVE SUMMER!" from the tops of our lungs, we have to face the fact.  It's that time of year. 

Back to school.

Before moving ahead to our third year, let's venture back just a few months ago here at Fort Academy.  Last May we celebrated both Gloria's kindergarten graduation and the end of another successful year.  Here are a few pics.



Rocked out our 2nd year!

Girls helped me set the table for our end-of-school celebration

 

The staff and student body

Best. Class. Ever.

Cue the "Pomp and Circumstance"

Singing the "Magic e Song"



Sharing a piece of poetry



Girls were tickled to give me this...

 

Yes!  Teacher of the Year!  Tough race, but SO glad I came out on top. ;)

As my girls start 1st grade and 4th grade, I want to step back and remind myself why we do what we do.

We know the choice we've made to homeschool our girls is the best fit for us in this season with our family.  Right now it just works.  We're aware that one day it might not.  That's why we take one year at a time, constantly reevaluating and reconsidering the needs of our girls and of ourselves.

And just like any parent trying to help any child with anything, particularly homework, we have bumpy moments in this journey.  Some days it is inevitable.  Lots of pouting, grumbling, and crying. And then on other days, it's my girls' turn. :)

For the record, I attended a public elementary, middle and high school.  So did my husband.  We loved it.
I graduated from a Christian college and then began teaching in a public elementary school.  Loved it.
I married my husband who has been teaching in the public education system for 16 years.  He loves...okay...most days, he likes it.
My oldest attended preschool, kindergarten and first grade in a fabulous local Christian school.  She loved it.
My youngest attended preschool at the same school.  Also loved it.
I was a long-term substitute at that exact school.  Loved it.
And my husband is currently serving in his second year on the school board there as well.  Loves it.

But yet...

We homeschool.  And you guessed it.  We love it.

Maybe we just love education.  Maybe we're just school nerds who are capable of being content learning wherever, whenever.  Maybe.

But maybe we have chosen to homeschool because we felt the Lord leading us strongly in this direction three years ago and still choosing to keep us here now.

While God continued to nudge us toward to homeschool, simultaneously I sensed His call to die to selfishness.  Always the hardest part for me.  (Still is.)  In this case, I struggled with wanting MY freedom.  MY independence.  MY time. 

As I continued to wrestle with the Lord about this, I found my clear answer one evening in a very familiar story in Matthew 14. You know the one. Hungry crowd. Little boy. Bread and fish. Big miracle.

Simply put, the people were starving after being outside all day long.  Jesus' disciples, who were probably feeling the hunger pangs themselves, came up with their own solution.  Send the people away to get their own food.

But Jesus had a different plan and a completely different response: 

"They do not need to go away. 

You give them something to eat."



Without a doubt, I knew in that moment, God had given me a directive through His Word.

I was not to send my girls away to get their needs met by anyone else.  I was to do it.  It was to be my job.  My responsibility.  I was to give them "something to eat."

But...
*what if I screwed up?
*what if I didn't have enough patience?
*what about friends?  Mine and theirs?

As my list of questions grew, and as insecure and incompetent I felt, I still knew what I had to do. 

I did the same thing the little boy did with his five loaves and two fish. 

I took the little bit I had (the little bit of educational experience, the little bit of desire, the little bit of patience, the little bit of unselfishness, the little bit of confidence, etc.) and offered it to Jesus. 

Looking in, my basket held little to boast about.  Little to make a difference.  But humbly and willingly, I lifted it up to the only One who can multiply equations far more complex than any I ever tried to solve in school.

My job was to submit to His plan for our family. 
My joy has been watching Him feed His little sheep.

Out of curiosity last night, I asked my husband and both of the girls why we homeschool and why they like it.

My husband gave his list.  It was full of great answers like: deep, meaningful individualized instruction, a biblical worldview, chance to illuminate Christ throughout every subject, creating life-long learners, privilege of knowing and attending specifically to our girls' strengths and weaknesses, the intimate fellowship with family, etc.

My girls gave their list.  It included: getting to stay home all day, sleeping late, wearing pajamas/dressing how they want, no homework, getting done early, having lots of time to play, getting to be with each other, hearing great stories read to them, cuddling in Mommy's lap to read, moving at their own pace with work/not having to wait for others to finish, having Mommy as a teacher (yes, they really said that one), etc.

After they were all finished, and I'd recorded their answers, I asked again, "So, is that it?  Any other reasons why we homeschool?"

Grace turns to me and says, "Mom, because God told you to.  Remember?"

So, yeah, I guess that's it. 

Until we hear differently, until we are led in another direction, the plan is to continue homeschooling.  We will continue to give them something to eat.  We will continue to offer up our baskets in obedience and wait as He provides in miraculous ways.

My prayer for my girls is the same result the crowd (and the disciples) had after Jesus took care of their needs.

"They all ate and were satisfied..."

Matthew 14:20

Disclaimer: We know homeschooling is not the best fit, nor God's plan for every family. (gasp!)  We have friends and family who homeschool, some who send their children to Christian school, some who attend public school.  Each family has to do what is best for each individual child at each stage in his/her life.  We fully support all three options and the families who represent them.  As stated before, this is the best plan for us at this season in our lives.

When It's Best to Just Shut Up

We're celebrating fifteen years of marriage today.  And for the sake of reminiscing, I'm sharing a few pictures of a certain young, innocent (& pretty clueless) couple back in the day on July 11, 1998:

On one hand, I cannot believe it's been that long.  On another, I cannot believe it's only been that long.

In fifteen years of marriage, I'd like to think I've learned a thing or two about living blissfully with my man. 

Things like respecting and honoring and trusting and supporting.  All really good things.  And about listening and observing and encouraging and praying.  All really great things. 

But one of the biggest lessons I'm afraid I'll still be learning until the whole "death do we part" thing can be summed up by any one of these phrases:

Be quiet.
Zip it.
Shush.
Close your mouth.
Silencio, por favor.
Hold your tongue.
Shut up.

However you choose to say it, they all mean the same thing.

Don't. Say. Another. Word.

I know the last one on the list sounds harsh.  Believe me, it sounded harsh fifteen years when it was said in my very own wedding ceremony...by my husband's friend and college mentor who was co-officiating the ceremony. 

After the vows, ring exchange, and unity candle, our friend stopped to take a moment to offer some personal words of wisdom and encouragement to both of us before we were announced as husband and wife.

He started with my husband.  He recalled a time in college when he felt my husband was holding back emotionally.  He emphasized the vital importance of him sharing his innermost feelings.  Of being open and vulnerable, even when it was hard.  Of trusting someone else (namely me, the new wife) with both his pains and his joys.

Then our friend shifted his attention to me.  He began with a story of another couple he'd counseled.  He told how the wife had come to him expressing her dissatisfaction with her husband's leadership and asked his advice as to what she should do.  Our friend said he knew the answer.  She just needed to "shut up...be quiet...and pray".  His implication:  I may need to do the same whenever I felt the same.

It was a stereotypical gender analysis.  Man needs to talk more, woman less. 

At first, I bristled.  I didn't like the way it sounded to my ears.  Even as gentle and as calm and as kind as he tried to say it, he still said it.  He said the words, "shut up" in my wedding ceremony and I was stunned.

Naive and inexperienced, I certainly had no idea how to navigate the waters of a godly marriage.  I had no idea what was ahead and had no idea how much I needed to hear those words.  But our friend apparently did.  He knew I'd need to hear them.  Maybe not then, but most definitely later.  Especially fifteen years later.

There are certainly times when it's beneficial and appropriate to speak up; I do not condone being a doormat.  As a matter of fact, I come from a long, female bloodline of "non-doormats".  But other times, I must confess.  It's best to just shut up.

So yes, I'm still learning this:

I spend most of my days overseeing, managing, correcting and teaching my girls.  I do all of this and all of that.  I'm a caretaker and a mama...just not my husband's.

And at no time do I desire to be this...

"A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet;
You can't turn it off, and you can't get away from it."
Proverbs 27:15-16 (The Message)

No ma'am.  No sir.

Instead, I'd rather choose to:

*respect versus reprimand.
*encourage instead of enrage.
*agree instead of argue.
*consider instead of correct.

When I forget (and I will), I hope to call to mind the story of Daniel in the lion's den. 

I will try to remember the ferocious, ready-to-devour beasts as they stood before one of God's children.

And I will remember how an angel of the Lord was sent to still the lions.  To shut their mouths so they could not hurt or wound (Daniel 6:22a).  All because of prayer.

Harsh?  Maybe.  But sometimes harsh makes you think.  Especially when it's also true.  And helpful.  And inspiring.  And necessary.  And kind. 

So I finish with this:


Thanks to my pastor for this gem. :)

Lord, I know there's a time for everything.  

There's a time to speak and a time to be silent (Ecclesiastes 3:7b). 

Give me the wisdom to know the difference. 

Shut my mouth if what I'm about to say is not true, helpful, inspiring, necessary and kind.  

And may you richly bless the next fifteen+ years of my marriage as you have the first fifteen.  

Amen.

Time Enough

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Every day I hear it.  My clock ticking. 

Literally.

Tick.  Tick.  Tick.

It's the repetitive sound coming from the clock hanging in our bonus room/school room.  I wanted a simple, inexpensive, analog clock with real numbers, one in which my girls could use to tell time.

What I didn't account for was how obnoxiously loud this particular clock would sound as it records each second passing by.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

This clock is good.  It helps me know how much time I have to do something.  It helps me see how much time I have left before I need to be somewhere.

But with every passing tick, I'm reminded of time gone.  No longer the future.  No longer the present.  Now the past.

"Time may be measured in minutes,

but life is measured in moments." ~ Mark Batterson

Opportunities.  Moments.  Time.  These three words have become cemented in my mind the past few weeks.

There are countless God-given opportunities in front of me every day.  There are opportunities to help.  There are opportunities to give.  There are opportunities to bless. 

There are moments to remember.  There are moments to relinquish.  There are moments that define the future.  There are moments that conjure up the past.  There are moments to celebrate.  There are moments to mourn. 

And time.  The older I get, the less I seem to have of it.  Or so it seems.  Each day pushes forward at warp speed and I cannot seem to trap it or hold on to it, or multiply it to save my life.

But one thing we all have in common is the same 24 hours, in the same day, of the same week.  We all have access to the same amount of time.  And most of the time, we all wish we had w-a-a-ay more of it.  I would be a millionaire if I had a dime every time I thought, "Man...if I just had ten more minutes..."

“All we have to decide is

what to do with the time that is given us.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

Since time continues to tick on, I have to choose what to do with my time.  How will I use what has so graciously been given to me? 

That's the question I'm facing right now.  What will I do with my time?  How will I choose to spend each minute that ticks by?  Not craving more of it, but making the most of it.

“Be careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil.” 

Ephesians 5:15-16

Ten years ago when I taught in the public school system, I was evaluated once a year by my principal.  One of the areas in the state-mandated observation was referred to as, "time on task."  How did I, the teacher, spend the 7-8 hours engaging my students each day?  Did I value their time, stay on task, maximize the time to its greatest potential? 

And I feel like that's where I still am.  Wondering if I'm taking full advantage of the time given to me.  Weighing the moments or wasting them.

"My times are in your hands..." Psalm 31:15

Not enslaved to the ticking of the clock, I want to live my one life well, being present and enjoying His presence.  Often sitting instead of stirring.  Being instead of becoming.

I never liked the phrase, "I don't have time."  Hearing myself (or someone else) say it rubs me the wrong way.  I always think, "Sure you do.  You are just doing other things with your time."  Sometimes that's okay.  Sometimes it's not.

Time will continue to tick away.  No doubt. 

What are the everyday opportunities to experience? What are the extraordinary moments ahead?

At the end of the day, my heart agrees with author, Ann Voskamp, when she said, "I just want enough time...I just want time to do my one life well."

 

“I don’t really want more time; I just want enough time. Time to breathe deep & time to see real & time to laugh long, time to give You glory & rest deep & sing joy…

I just want time to do my one life well."

One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp

And you?  Do you hear the sound of your clock ticking as well?  Do you find yourself yearning for more time?  Or time enough?  Time enough to live your one life well? 

Lord, help us all to seize opportunities, magnify moments, and treasure the time.  For You and Your glory.  Amen.