Pearl's Been Home for 1 Month! How Our New Normal is Going...

 

Tonight we went to a park.

 

We had a picnic, played on the playground, took a walk and rode bikes.  All normal things that other families do.  Except that we had a super special reason to celebrate our family time together.

 

One month ago today, we stepped off an airplane and began our new normal as a family of five.

 

As you may have already read or seen from my posts on Facebook, things are really, truly, going surprisingly well so far. Pearl has adjusted. Grace and Gloria have adjusted. We have adjusted.

 

We have a list a mile long of things we are grateful for, things we (& others) have prayed specifically for that God, in His kindness and generosity, have answered.

 

But...according to some adoption "experts" and others who've adopted (i.e. Jen Hatmaker), we are still in the honeymoon stage, basking in all the newness, but with a (possible) harsh reality around the corner.

 

If so...so be it.

 

But tonight, I wanted to chronicle just how well the past month has been going.

 

I'll start with the most popular question we've gotten: "How are things with Pearl and Derek?"

 

Let me just tell you how stinkin' excited I am to say, "SO much better!"  

 

Bless him.  He has had to work really, really hard to gain her trust and frankly, get her to like him.  Sometimes he said he felt like Adam Sandler's character relating to Drew Barrymore's character in the movie, "50 First Dates". He and Pearl would be best buds by bedtime, but unfortunately would have to start from scratch the very next day.  But his pursuit of her has definitely paid off and perseverance, persistence, and love have won.

 

The two of them go for nightly walks outside. He reads to her. He pretty much does the whole bedtime routine and just today, held her during the entire church service. Pearl returns his love with big kisses, high-five's and "knuckles" constantly.

 

One of my favorite things she likes to do with Derek is to play "Copycat", a game she initiates all on her own. She moves in a certain way (shrugs her shoulder, claps her hands, folds her arms, etc.) and he copies her.  It's really amazing to watch her come up with so many different things and even more hilarious to watch Derek mimic her movements. This type of play keeps her engaged with him and is pure entertainment for the rest of us.

 

Overall, she is sleeping really well; honestly we can't complain.  She sleeps about 10 hours in the Pack 'n Play next to our bed in the evenings.  She may stir a couple of times during the night, cry out, but then quickly works herself back to sleep, without us having to get up to tend to her. 

 

During the day, she takes naps in her crib in her bedroom.  While she's gotten better with the routine of going to sleep in her crib, her naps have only averaged about a half hour each this past week. Thirty minutes is not enough for her...or me. But an after-church miracle occurred today when she slept two hours.  Oh, how I'm praying this will be her new routine!  Eventually, our goal will be to transition her to her crib in the evenings.  But for now, this is working and we don't want to throw too much at her, too quickly.

 

One of the things we are most thankful for is how well she has taken to the variety of foods we eat here.  We were pretty worried when we first came home a month ago, but certainly have no worries now. Our pediatrician was correct. She does want to eat whatever we are eating, especially whatever Grace and Gloria are eating. Positive peer pressure is a wonderful thing! 

 

Whereas she was a vegan before, she is most certainly an omnivore now.  Each meal she seems to try, and like, something new.  Recently, we've added cucumbers, carrots, grapes and hot dogs to her list. So far, her most favorite foods are sweet potato pancakes, oatmeal, protein smoothies, bananas, dates, pineapple, apples, strawberries, blueberries, cereal, goldfish, string cheese, yogurt, peanut butter sandwiches, black bean/cheese quesadillas, rice, quinoa, spaghetti, hamburgers, pizza, French fries, any kind of bread or dessert (like us all...) & of course, Chick-fil-A nuggets.

 

Slap some red, white and blue on our girl and call her an American!

 

It's been so cool watching all that her little brain has been soaking up--all she's seen and heard the past month.  Her level of comprehension is super high; now her vocabulary is attempting to catch up.  She LOVES music and LOVES to dance (especially to Toby Mac).  She also gets in the groove whenever we play some Bollywood for her. She loves when we sing to her.  The song she tries to sing by herself the most is the "ABC song".  Basically she just keeps repeating "A-B-C...A-B-C...A-B-C...", so one of us always has to step in and help girlfriend out with the other 23 letters in the alphabet!

 

Pearl loves riding in the car, in the stroller, in the wagon, and sitting in her high chair.  All things we were concerned she'd hate when we were back in India.  Bath time is improving, too.  Last night was the first night in a very long time when she didn't cry when the water was turned on and when she sat down in the tub.  This is a very good thing.  Not only for bath time, but also for our upcoming trips to the pool. We're all pretty curious as to how she'll do in a huge "tub" of water; maybe somebody could invite us to come swim so we can find out? :)  Good news is that she has a darling new swimsuit we can't wait for her to wear.  At the very least, she'll look adorable if she decides to throw a ballistic fit.

 

Her interest in toys has grown the last month as well.  Basically, we've had to teach her "how to play" from the get-go.  We're not sure how she spent her time in the orphanage all day, but thanks to her big sisters, she is learning how to play with baby dolls, Barbie's, and stuffed animals (which she's still not a fan of).  She is easily entertained with any toys with music and/or buttons that play music, so we're relieved to know she's a typical two-year old in that sense.

 

Pearl loves both of her sisters very much and squeals whenever she is reunited with one of them, even if it's only been a super short time since she saw them last. As anyone might have guessed, Grace is basically a second mama to her, loves to play with her, thinks whatever she does is adorable, and actually enjoys changing her diapers. Gloria is her playmate, but also her competition. The two of them play wonderfully together, but can also butt heads. Gloria comes up with some of the greatest games for them to play, but can also aggravate her little sister a bit, too. We think she seems to be enjoying her new role as a big sis, and all the privileges (and power ;) ) that come with it. Both Grace and Gloria are amazing helpers to us and Pearl.  We have been completely blown away at their fierce love for Pearl and how they constantly care for her.  We are SO proud of them!

 

And thanks to them, to Derek's new relationship with her, and to "blanket/towel time", I am finding some freedom and a little of my personal space back.  Whereas Pearl has been my shadow (um...leech) the past month, signs of great growth and security in her and in her relationship with the other members of the family are completely evident now.  I love that I am able to spread a towel or blanket in the kitchen while I prepare food, upstairs next to the desk while I work on the computer, or in my bedroom while I get dressed, place some toys on the towel, tell her to sit down and she will play contentedly a few feet away from me while I accomplish what I need to accomplish.  It's like a miracle. A super awesome miracle! (Thanks to my friend, Kelly, for reminding me of this tip, which I'd totally forgotten over the years.)

 

The past month has been filled with way too many emotions to record here, but my favorite by far, is joy.  We have laughed more the past month than honestly, I thought we would, especially this early in the game. 

 

I knew adoption was hard work.

I knew going back to the toddler years would be hard work. 

I knew language acquisition would be hard work. 

I knew that making sure my bio girls were okay, felt loved and acknowledged would be hard work. 

I knew staying connected to my husband would be hard work. 

I knew learning to care for a new little person in our home would be hard work. 

But I didn't know, or consider, or make room for, the tiniest, spontaneous, light-hearted, unexpected joy-filled moments along the way, even when I had actually prayed for them.  Shame on me for that.

 

One month into this new normal and we all have far more to be grateful for than to belly-ache about.  We still shake our heads in wonder and awe at how God orchestrated this entire thing. 

 

How he would draw us to the country of India, break our hearts for the mistreatment of girls in India, call us to adopt a little girl from India, provide for us to get to go to India, then match us with our daughter, whom no one would ever suspect, or guess, or believe, was born in India, but instead, actually looks a whole lot like us. Crazy.

 

Only a creative God could write a story like that. We are so humbled we are a part of that story. For His purpose. For His glory. For Pearl's present and for her future. 

 

"I will tell of the kindnesses of the LORD, the deeds for which He is to be praised,

according to all the LORD has done for us--

yes, the many good things He has done for the house of Israel (Fort),

according to His compassion and many kindnesses." Isaiah 63:7

 

Looking ahead and looking forward to all the awesome works He will perform for, and in, our family.  Here's to month two and beyond!

 

 

A Little Something About Our Pearl

Pearl.

The name I absolutely, without a doubt, knew God was directing us to give our newest daughter.

Four years ago, sitting in my favorite chair, Bible in my lap, reading through Matthew 13, that word, that name, illuminated itself on the page.

"The kingdom of God is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 

When he found one of great value, he went away,

sold everything he had and bought it."

Matthew 13:45-46

Great value, immeasurable worth, a fine pearl. 

And so she was named. For four years, we've tenderly called her by her name, her God-given name, even when we had absolutely no clue who she was or who she would be.

Divya

The name of the little girl our agency called to tell us about as a possible referral and match for our family. The call came on March 20, 2015, coincidentally her first birthday.

Then came the biggest shock.

"He always has a holy surprise up His sovereign sleeve."

Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker

Our agency coordinator continued by telling us that Divya's file listed her with blonde hair and blue eyes; she had been diagnosed with a mild form of albinism.

[Albinism (albino) - an inherited condition, characterized by lack of pigment (melanin) in the skin that normally gives color to the skin, hair, and eyes.]

Then we saw her picture. 

Her skin was fair, not pale, but fair, just like ours.

Her hair, the little she had then, was pretty darn close to Grace and Gloria's hair color.

All this time, we'd been anticipating, been expecting, an adorable brown-skinned baby. And here we were staring at a little girl who looked like she already belonged in our family.

We were stunned.

Over the years, as I'd been praying for the little girl we would adopt, I prayed for her heart and for her spirit and for her mind. 

I'd prayed that she'd be confident in how God had created her and who He had created her to be.  I had spent many moments praying she'd be secure in her beauty, not comparing herself to her older sisters, not feeling like she was different in our home.

And then there was this little girl, who didn't look different at all, who no one would ever suspect was born in India.

We knew.  We knew this was our daughter, our Pearl.

We accepted her referral and have been matched with her ever since.

Never could we have guessed in a million years that God would break our hearts for India, for the girls who live in India, call us to adopt from India, and then match us with a little girl who looks like she wasn't born in India. 

I can't even explain it.  I won't try.

All I know is that God planned for her to be ours and we're about to see Miss Pearl Divya face to face for the first time..very, very soon!

[Side note: Her hair has grown out some and has actually turned brown now, just like Derek's. :)]

Cocooning - Insight into What Life Will Look Like for Us When We Get Home

It’s. Time.

Paperwork is being gathered, bags are being packed, and on Monday, as in THIS Monday, Derek and I will be boarding a plane and making the long trek to India.  (Still in total, complete shock over here...)

THANK YOU to all of you who have prayed for us, given financially, or just asked about the process. The support we have felt has been overwhelming and it is taking all I have not to walk around a continual, blubbering mess right now.

I wanted to give a little insight into what the next few months will be like for our family and tell you how you can help.

Pearl has lived just about every single day of her two short years in an orphanage, supposedly a “good” one, but still an institutionalized orphanage. She comes from a multiple-caregiver situation, has been taken care of by devoted nannies, but she has never known the concept of a Mom or Dad.

In her world, any adult in the room (most especially women) are there to take care of her. We will be spending the next year teaching her, and demonstrating to her, that we are Mom and Dad.

We will need to teach her to trust, love, and attach/bond with us.

Our prayer is that she will attach to us, and her sisters, but ultimately to her good, good, heavenly Father.

The best way for us to teach her these things is by “cocooning”, which basically means we'll be circling our wagons and hunkering down with our little family for a while.

She will be overwhelmed by foreign people, foreign smells, foreign language, etc. when we come home. It will take time for her to feel safe and secure with us.

For her sake alone, we will make her world small by not taking her out very much, or introducing her to too many people or places at first. We will essentially attempt to recreate the newborn/parent connection that she missed out on.

This principle is not permanent, but absolutely necessary in the beginning.

The best way for us to do this is by Derek and I being the ones to feed, hold, hug, instruct, and soothe Pearl. As we repeat these things over and over again, she will learn that Mom and Dad are to be trusted and loved.

 

Once Pearl establishes these bonds with us, she will be able to branch out and build other relationships (yay!)

You guys can play an important role in all of this.  We ask you to set physical boundaries at first. For a little while, this would include things like holding, excessive hugging or kissing, etc. Children from these backgrounds tend to attach very easily to anyone and everyone. 

Things like waving, high fives, and blowing kisses are TOTALLY appropriate & welcomed!

Also it will help in the healing process, if you guys redirect Pearl to us. If she comes to you for food, or to be picked up, or for emotional nurturing (like if she gets hurt), you redirecting her to me or to Derek, will help tremendously in us establishing who we are as Mom and Dad, those she can absolutely trust to meet whatever need she has.

We pray that Pearl’s healing will come quickly, but we also understand that this is a life-long journey for her and us.

We are heading into the trenches, y’all.

Please pray for Derek, Gloria, Grace, Pearl and me during this time.

Pearl is one super blessed little girl to have so many people who love her, who are cheering for her and are praying for her already!

Thank you for loving us so well!

Isn't it Time? (thoughts while cleaning a stroller...)

I might have squealed just a bit when I saw it.

It was exactly what I'd told Derek weeks ago that I wanted.

A jogging stroller.

And here it was, its picture posted on a local online yard sale. And by someone I knew, which made it all the better.

A couple of texts between us, a stop at her house, and it was mine. 

Several days later we pulled the "new to us" stroller back out of the garage with the intention of giving it a good ol' scrubbing with the garden hose.  After sitting in my friend's garage for several years, it was time for the dust and cobwebs which had inevitably piled up, to go.

Derek began spraying it down as I gathered the hand towels and liquid soap. Quietly, we worked side by side.

Thinking our own individual thoughts as we moved our hands over the stroller, I looked at my husband, the man I've known for over 20 years, the man who said, "Why not?" to this journey before I could even wrap my head around it, the man whose patience seems to know no limit, and asked, "Whatcha thinking?"

He said, "It's time. "It's time to get our daughter."

Tears welling up in my eyes, I nodded my head, "I know."

Birds chirping and cars driving by, we stood next to each other in our driveway and petitioned our Creator once more for our girl.

Water pouring from the hose, desperate words pouring from our mouths.

God, please...isn't it time?

We have a stroller. We have the cozy crib. We have cute, sassy clothes. We have little shoes. All the little girl stuff.

We just don't have her.

But the official, Judge-approved, Judge-declared, written court orders we received a week ago (dated March 9, 2016) say we legally have her:

"In result I proceed to pass the following order:
It is hereby declared the proposed adopters, Mr. Derek Fort & Mrs. Michele Fort are the adoptive parents of the female minor, -----.

It is hereby declared that the female minor ----- shall have all legal rights including rights of inheritance as that of a natural born child of the proposed adopters, Mr. Derek Fort and Mrs. Michele Fort..."

Rights of inheritance....more tears.

Her second birthday was almost two weeks ago. We celebrated her (as best as a family can when the birthday girl isn't present) with balloons, a cookie/brownie dessert, and in song.

And last weekend we celebrated Easter.

The message of Easter itself refilled our hearts with the message of hope--believing that something good can come out of something bad.

Remembering that God is not finished.
That He is still at work.
That in His absolute sovereignty He sees the end of the story when all we see is the part we're in right now.
That all we need is a flicker of hope to keep believing.

And her passport. We need that passport.

Out of the blue, in the van the other day, Grace said, "Mom, I miss her. Some days I really miss my sister. I know that sounds impossible. But you know what I mean, right?  About missing someone you've never even met."

Yep. I do.

So I have to ask.

Would you please add one more prayer right now, as you have so faithfully, so many times prayed before?
Pray--earnestly--for that passport? Pray that it's time?

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

He has also set eternity in the human heart;

yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

1 Little Girl, 1 Court Date, 1 Judgment = 1 HUGE Reason to Celebrate!

In one moment, on one February day, in one courtroom, declared by one judge, in one foreign country, one little girl's life changed forever. 

And she doesn't even know it. 

Yet.

The news we'd been waiting for (for like forever) came today. 

We passed court.

WE PASSED COURT.

WE PASSED COURT!!!

The official, legal, adoptive parents of our Pearl. You can call us that now. 
The official, legal, adoptive daughter of Michele and Derek. You can call our girl that now.

In one moment, on one February day, in one courtroom, declared by one judge, in one foreign country, one little family's life changed forever. 

And we don't even know just how much. 

Yet.

To say our family is ecstatic is an understatement.

Four years of waiting, mounds upon mounds of paperwork, fingerprints, fundraising, conversations, preparation, documentation and mounds upon mounds of prayers preface this news. 

It's been a long time coming.  And now.

Now, we wait for her orphanage to receive her passport.  When we get word the passport has arrived, we go. 

We go. 

To the other side of the world.  (what?!?)

Until then, we will be preparing to go. 

Derek said his head is already spinning.  Mine will be soon. 

But right now, in this moment, I'm still sane and thinking clearly. (Ask me next week and see how I am then. Could be that I'm curled up in a fetal position in a corner of my bedroom, rocking and singing to myself...)

Our agency is expecting us to travel within the next two months.  They're estimating us being in country by mid-April. 

Our girl's 2nd birthday is on March 20 and we would love to be there with her to celebrate. But our agency isn't confident that is a realistic option for us.  I hope not to be too broken-hearted if it doesn't happen. :(

Timing is everything.  I tell my girls this all the time.  It's true.  God stirred us and prodded us to this call over four years ago.  Every human emotion has been felt through all the ups & downs, mountains & valleys, and activity & nothingness. 

He thought this up.  It's His deal. His plan. For His glory alone.

And it will come to pass--not one moment too soon, nor one moment too late--but exactly when He wants and wills for it to happen. 

"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. 

Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3

We're just thrilled we get the opportunity to celebrate this one piece of news today and give thanks to the One who made it happen.

Funeral Rock Stars

"It's going to be terrible.  It's going to be awful.  It's not going to be any fun. You're going to see and talk to tons of people you don't know.  But we all have to do it.  Unfortunately, this is just part of life."

These are the words Derek spoke to our girls as he explained the plans for both the upcoming visitation and the funeral.

Terrible because of the tears.  Awful because of the reason we had to be there.

Two days prior he'd gotten the shocking phone call.  His 74 year old father, Owen, had suddenly and unexpectedly passed away following routine knee replacement surgery.  As one family friend expressed during visitation, "He went in for a new knee and came out with a new life."

As difficult, as heart-breaking as this news was to bear, we are confident of Derek's father's presence now. We know his unwavering faith in his unwavering Savior is now full-out, glorious sight.

"Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body, we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight.  We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  So we make it our goal to please Him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it." 2 Cor. 5:19

We've been to funerals.  Several lately, unfortunately.  But this was the first time in our adult lives Derek and I had to play an active, intimate role because we're immediate family.

This was the first time my husband had to sit for over two hours at a funeral home and assist in making arrangements.  The first time he had to listen to casket options and help decide the number of death certificates needed, wording on the obituary and the pictures needed for the slideshow.

This was hard stuff.  For Derek's mother, Carol, his two brothers, their wives, and his aunt and uncle.  The hard stuff no one wants to do.  But from my perspective, the stuff they all handled like total and complete rock stars.

Visitation at the funeral home was scheduled to be three hours long.  But the crowd.

People stood in line for hours to pay their respects and to offer their condolences.

I shouldn't have been surprised at the overwhelming number of people. Owen (and Carol, too) have lived their entire lives in that area, rooted in their community.  They raised their children there and Derek's brothers and families are doing the same there; we live nearly two hours away.

Owen had also been an active member of his church for over 35 years, serving as a deacon and even being employed there as head of custodial management after he'd entered retirement nearly 15 years ago.

For six long hours, my mother-in-law lovingly embraced each and every visitor who stepped up to the casket and in front of her. As friends shared their cherished memories and favorite moments of the man she'd been married to for 52 years, she listened intimately, maintaining eye contact, giving them her undivided attention, soaking in every word as a lifeline.

And I watched her in complete amazement.

Though weak, she was clothed with strength.
Though broken, she was altogether lovely.
Though needy herself, she lifted up and ministered to others while they grieved.

Her sons, Kevin, Micah, and Derek, remained like stalwart soldiers by her side.

Carol Anne and Denny, Owen's sister and brother-in-law, were a constant presence for my mother-in-law. Always in the background, always serving. Always thinking of others' needs. Always assisting. Always helping. Always seeing the needs before anyone else did.

Derek had told me how his aunt and uncle had been invaluable throughout the first few days of this family tragedy, but I got to witness it with my own two eyes while I was down there.  No doubt they'll continue to be the tangible hands and feet of Jesus for Carol as the days go on. Because that's just who they are.

As the evening progressed and some of the grandchildren grew restless, Derek's cousin's wife from Tennessee, affectionately known as "Aunt Sue", volunteered to take them down to the sunroom in the funeral home. Their attention span spent there, she then offered to take them back to Carol's house, feed them dinner, let them play and watch them while we were away.  Who does that?  Aunt Sue, that's who.

Rob and Joel, the vocalists at the funeral, led those in attendance in full-out worship (because that's what Owen would've wanted) and Pastor Larry, Owen's pastor, proclaimed the love of Christ with the gospel (because that's what Owen would've wanted) and three individuals said, "Yes" to Jesus and his offer of salvation. Three new creations in Christ.  At my father-in-law's funeral, y'all.

Food abounded at the house.  Countless containers of casseroles, cakes and cookies, too many to fit in Carol's refrigerator, have provided continuous nourishment for the entire family, those from out-of-town and those in-town.  Flowers, cards, phone calls, text messages, and visitors have poured in over the past week and provided much comfort to those on the receiving end.

Love demonstrated in a million ways, big and small to the entire Fort family. People have shown up and God has shown off.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Cor. 1:3-5

The death of Derek's father will leave an irreplaceable hole in the family.  He loved us all and prayed for us all, particularly his seven grandchildren.  Over the last several years, he got to see each and every one of them baptized following individual personal confessions of faith in Jesus' sacrificial work on the cross for them.

But for us, one of the biggest losses is the fact that he won't be at the airport the day we arrive home from India. He'll never meet his eighth grandchild.  From the moment we shared our plans to adopt, Owen was beyond excited.  He loved that we were adopting. He loved hearing all the crazy, exciting, up/down details along the way.  And he loved the day we called to tell them we'd finally been matched with our girl.

Before I was even halfway through explaining the story, he stopped me.  He wanted to pause, to pray and to give thanks to God for what He'd done in our journey so far.  He believed big for us and prayed big for us and his Indian granddaughter.  He was most definitely one of our biggest supporters and we'll never forget that.

It's been a tough week since the funeral and yet, the hardest days lie ahead. Specifically for Carol.  She has to figure out a new day-to-day normal. She has to make decisions. She has to face the quietness and the loneliness.  So understandably, our thoughts, our concerns, our prayers are for her now, because she needs them.

Though she often referred to her husband as her "rock", I know she's leaning on, holding on and standing on the Rock, her Lord, her Redeemer right now. And I'm confident, too, her Rock is leaning in, holding her, and standing right there with her as well.  Because that's just what He does.

Matched With Our Girl! And What We Can Tell You So Far...

I realize I probably should have written portions of this post two months ago, but life just keeps going and I haven't been intentional in stopping, sitting down and taking the time to write out the specific details.  But in an effort to keep our story current on this blog, I am going to attempt to answer the questions we've been asked most lately concerning our journey to adopt:

When did you get matched with your daughter?

After three years of waiting, we finally got THE call.  The call all adoptive parents wait anxiously to get. On March 20 (the first day of spring), the assistant director over the India program from our agency (America World), phoned us and said she had a referral she was excited for us to consider. She sent us the little girl's picture, her personal information, and her medical file for us to review.

To say we were excited was an understatement.  We'd been praying for quite some time that we'd "know" our daughter when we saw her.  There are really no adequate words to describe both the joy we felt and the peace we sensed as we received all the information about this potential match for our family.  Our agency representative informed us we had two weeks to either accept or decline the referral. Our hearts wanted to say, "Yes!" at that very moment to seal the deal, but our minds knew the wisdom in taking the weekend to seek God's face about this huge, life-changing decision.

After consulting with our pediatrician concerning her medical issues and praying our guts out, we called our agency one week later and officially accepted the referral to adopt our little girl.  We shared the news with our parents, siblings, close friends and finally on Facebook with this image...

"No one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him."
Isaiah 64:4

What can you tell about her?

Not a whole lot actually.  All on account of the fact that we signed a privacy and confidentiality clause in our referral acceptance paperwork. What we can tell you is that she is a cutie!  We can also tell you she turned 14 months old yesterday.  Yes, she's still a baby!  So, we've got to go way back--breaking out the crib, the highchair, the stroller, the diaper bag and whatever else she's/we're going to need.  Thank goodness I am going to have some of the best helpers ever in Grace and Gloria.  What a blessing they will be to their little sister...and to me!

Because India has (typically) not been releasing younger children to be adopted by non-Indian families, we'd been told and we'd been expecting, to adopt an older child.  We'd been approved to adopt a female within the age range of 0-5 according to our last home study.  So when I asked the India program director, "How old is she?" and she responded with, "a year old", I was shocked.  Later on in the conversation, we found out her actual birthday was March 20, the very same day we got the news.  Seriously. Couldn't make it up if I tried.  While we missed the opportunity to throw her the big first birthday bash, prayerfully we'll make it up when she turns two!

What have you been doing since you were matched?

In a nutshell, we've been updating our home study since it had expired. We've had to redo so much paperwork.  Paperwork we'd completed twice before in the last three years.  And those blasted fingerprints. So many complications getting them. But from an email we received last week, everything is finally good to go with that.

We had our last home visit with our caseworker a week ago.  Well, the last one until she returns for a post-placement visit three months after we bring our daughter home.  We also asked our friend who is a notary to come over and notarize a stack of official documents which came straight from the orphanage and which will return right back to them. And lastly, I had to drive to Atlanta to get that stack of uber-important papers stamped with the federal apostille stamp before we could Fed Ex them on to our agency and then on to India.

What do you have to do next?

We have some immigration stuff to tackle, but for the most part our work here is done.  We've done all we need to do and now the orphanage is responsible for initiating and advocating for us as our case moves through the court system in India.  So we return to waiting.  Waiting for it all to continue to move forward on the other side of the world.

How much longer until you can go get her?

According to our agency, probably another 10 months...though we are praying it will be sooner!  Like 5-6 months sooner.  The good news is that we do not have to be present for us to pass the court process.  It is completed via adoption paperwork submitted by the orphanage on behalf of us. The orphanage will hold a Power of Attorney to represent us to the judge.  A court decree is then issued which allows the orphanage to apply for our daughter's passport.

Once her passport is obtained, we can arrange to travel to India to get her! Unfortunately, there is no estimated time frame for the court approval processes, so we really have no clue.  But another piece of good news is that according to our agency, our little girl is in a "good" orphanage. Basically, it means it's one in which our agency has worked with in years/situations past and continues to have a good working relationship. Always a good thing.

How long will you be in India?

We'll be there about two weeks to complete the adoption and wait on various paperwork and approvals. We'll have a guide from our agency there to assist us during this part of the process, which is very reassuring.

Derek and I have chosen not to take our girls with us on the trip.  As much as they would both like to go to be a part of this journey and to help tell her story, they understand the added difficulty and of course, cost, if they were to travel with us.  We are dreading being away from them for two weeks, but we'll do what we have to do. Skyping each other every chance we can will help and of course, praying the time goes by quickly until we can all be together as a new family unit.

We're excited.  Our girls are excited.  In our heads, we know inevitably there are going to be new challenges, but we also know there will be so many new joys.

Countless are the other personal, intimate details of this story so far, which unfortunately I cannot share in this public forum. If I've had a conversation with you, then you already know how amazing God's hand has been in this. If not, then hopefully I will have the chance to share soon.  I've always told the Lord that as long as He keeps writing the story, I'll tell it.  His thoughts, His ways are so much higher than ours. And already He has done far more than we could have ever asked or imagined.

How can we pray?

Please pray this part of the process goes by quickly.  And in the words of my friend, that "God will move expeditiously on behalf of His children."

Expeditiously.  Isn't that an awesome word?  So awesome to me that it's recently moved all the way to the tippy-top of my favorites list!

Yes, we've waited a long time. But as anyone should understand, the wait is harder now because we know who we're waiting for.

"Though it linger, wait for it; 

it will certainly come and will not delay." 

Habakkuk 2:3b

Don't Want to Miss the Sun Because of a Little Rain

Rain.

That's all we saw when we looked at the forecast for the week of our family camping trip.

And not just rain, but nearly a 100% chance of rain for every day of our spring break.

We had no way of knowing there would be so much precipitation when we booked the campsite weeks before the trip.  I mean, is there really such a thing as "April showers"?  To which all my soggy, starting-to-mold Georgia peeps would answer with a resounding "Yes!"

So days before, we checked and rechecked the weather app on our phones. We called the park and inquired the last possible date to cancel and the penalties if we did so.  And of course we prayed that the rain, rain would go away and come again another day.

All the while, I continued to badger ask Derek, "Do you want to cancel?  Do you think we should go?  How much fun are we really going to have if it rains the whole time?"

Rain certainly puts a damper on camping, but especially if you plan to tent-camp, which we had.  Especially if you have to tote "house and home" back and forth from your car down a hill to your campsite.  Especially if all your meal prep and dining will be occurring outside.

Each time I questioned, my husband confidently agreed we should still go. "Why not?" he said.

So off we went.

Because we expected heaps of rain, we prepared and packed accordingly. We brought rain jackets, rain boots, and a bag full of "inside the tent activities in case of rain lock-down", including games, art stuff and even math.  (Gasp! Homeschoolin' mama still means business, even on spring break.)

We knew we would be good our first day.  And we were.  We set up camp, explored, played in the creek, and grilled out without one drop of rain.

But the rain did come...while we slept snugly in our sleeping bags inside our tent.  By the time we woke up, it was clear.  Perfect for breakfast.

Later a light misting began, but certainly nothing to stop us from taking a hike on one of the park's trails.  A couple hours later, the rain stopped altogether and we had another great day outside.

The weather was an entirely different story the second night.  For hours, torrential poured down upon us. But thankfully, we were camping in an awesome pavilion site.  So while the storm raged outside, again we were snug and warm and dry inside the tent, under our shelter.

As we came out to get breakfast ready, the rain stopped.  And it stayed dry. We went fishing, the girls played on their scooters, and we went back to the creek.  Surprisingly, we enjoyed another super day of camping.

But by the end of the third day, we opted to go ahead and pack up.  The forecast was getting worse, and we concluded packing up a dry tent and all our camping supplies on a dry evening would be far superior to packing up a wet tent the next morning.

As we drove home, I thought about our trip.  I thought about the rain predictions and my uncertainty about going.  But then I thought about how the actual trip was far different from what we expected.

(At one point, our oldest expressed her disappointment that we were not cocooned inside the tent for the majority of the trip. I guess she went from just hearing it was a possibility to hoping it would actually happen.)

If we had caved to what the forecast was telling us, believing that there would only be rain the entire time and had chosen to stay in the predictable safety of our home, then we would've missed out big time. We would've missed out on camping at a "new to us" state park, laughing and playing together, and most of all, seeing God act on our behalf regarding the rain.

Last weekend when Derek and I attended Show Hope's "Empowered to Connect Conference" simulcast, we listened to adoption guru, Dr. Karyn Purvis, speak to adoptive/foster care and prospective adoptive/foster care parents, and we heard a lot of predictions.

We heard about various attachment styles and bonding.
We learned about the state of a child's brain who's experienced abandonment, abuse, neglect and/or trauma.
We heard about lacks and deficiencies and the struggles that come with parenting a child from the "hard places".

And as one could guess, the forecast wasn't so positive. So much so that at certain moments, Dr. Purvis encouraged us all to pause and to take a   d-e-e-p, cleansing breath.

Reassuringly, she then said, "But...there's hope. The brain is plastic. And with its plasticity, change can happen with nurturing."

Cognitively, we realize adoption is not easy.  On paper adoption may even appear bleak or discouraging to some. But not to us. Not so much anymore.

Because we're choosing to hope. We're choosing to believe. We're choosing to dive in and do the hard stuff that is required of us because she matters. We're choosing to rest in the safety of God's tent as He shelters us through whatever less than desirable weather may come our way.

"For in the day of trouble 

He will keep me safe in His dwelling; 

He will hide me in the shelter of His sacred tent 

and set me high upon a rock." Psalm 27:5

We'll prepare. We'll cocoon in when necessary. And we'll emerge when it's time to come out.

Sure, there was some rain while we camped.  But there was w-a-a-ay more sunshine. Sunshine we would've missed if we had let a possible forecast be the sole dictator of our plans.

Principles of (Happy) Moms Who Home Educate

I stumbled upon this list on another blog I was reading a few days ago and instantly fell in love.

Because when you've reached the halfway point in your school year and when you've been all bundled up trying to stay warm and disliking January (VERY MUCH) and you find this list which picks you up and simultaneously kicks your butt into remembering the most important things about why you do what you do, then yes, you share it.

You share it with yourself on your own blog so you will never forget the beautiful, rest-filled, peaceful, grace-filled reminders, but also, maybe, you share it for any of your fellow homeschooling mama friends (or friends considering homeschooling) who may need the encouragement as well.

Principles of (Happy) Moms Who Home Educate:

* God is in control of our family’s home education. 

* Home education is a portion of my full vocation as wife and mother. Keep it proportionate.

* Home education, when done from love and humility, is a steady path to sanctity and heaven.

* Home education is primarily a way of life, not an alternative to school.

* My husband is objectively the spiritual head of our household, the spiritual director of our home education.

* All home education decisions are prudential between husband, wife, and God. Leave the neighbors out of it.

* Homeschooling is mostly joyful and right. It is also hard work worth doing and involves purposeful suffering.

* Anxiety and worry are not an inevitable part of home education or an outward sign of hard work. They are signs to re-group.

* Burn-out is preventable.

* There is no perfect curriculum (self-designed or prepackaged.) Perfect is the enemy of the good. Be content with good enough. (Good enough does not justify sloth which is not good enough. Know when to realize that any additional effort toward improvement would result in a negligible improvement, especially in comparison to the effort required to gain it.)

* Plan primarily based on the truth about Mom, playing to my strengths, secondarily on the needs of the family as a whole, thirdly on the individual needs of each child, playing to their strengths.

* Emphasize character formation for all, especially formation that increases family harmony and independent decision-making. 

* Academic achievement is over-rated.

* Focus on today.

* Progress is not linear and best gauged over time.

* We’re never behind. We’re exactly where God wants us. We entrust the past to God’s Divine Mercy and the future to His Divine Providence. 

* Saints do not compare themselves to their neighbors because they keep their eyes fixed upon God.

* Delegate out of humility.

* Know when to take a break to refresh and renew.

* Know what I need to feel comfortable in my home. Prioritize maintaining a basic level of order.

* Discussion counts as an invaluable learning and teaching tool. 

* Mastery takes time, for student and educator.

* Laughter is good, even when it needs to be redirected.

* Academic standards are arbitrary.

* Time spent on curriculum planning is time not spent on other things.

* Money spent on curriculum is money not spent on other things.

* A sense of humor lightens our load.

* Enthusiasm is contagious.

* Enthusiasm enhances motivation and engagement.

* Engagement and practice increases retention. 

"Entrusting the past to God’s Divine Mercy and the future to His Divine Providence..."
And grateful that God has a giant one of these set aside for each of us on any given day...

Our Family's Best of 2014

Since I posted our family's best and most memorable events here last year, I thought I'd do another year-end recap from 2014...

Presenting the top 11 (because we couldn't agree on just 10) highlight reel from 2014 from our family:

11. Community, growth and service

Derek and I opened our home again this year to two different small groups, one in the spring and a different one this past fall.  We loved having all the couples over each Sunday night to discuss, pray and laugh together.  With the other small groups from our church, we journeyed through two different books, Joseph by Charles Swindoll and Families Where Grace is in Place by Jeff Van Vonderen.  Both were excellent and challenging reads.  So grateful for the camaraderie we experienced both semesters.

Tacky sweater Christmas party!

 

In August, Derek and I began serving in Kids Crossing at our church each Sunday morning.  We are the hosts for large group, which means we have scripts and scripture we have to memorize and teach each week.  Though we're certainly not actors, the teachers in us sure have enjoyed working together and engaging with the kids in this way! 

A few months ago, during the second service, Grace started helping in the kindergarten class, using her gifts of patience, teaching and love for children.  Also, both girls have been a part of the Kids Worship Team this year.  Each month they learn new songs and then lead worship in Kids Crossing on their designated Sunday.  It has blessed our hearts watching them sing and dance for Jesus from backstage!

10. Technology conference at the University of Texas in Austin

While Derek attended classes and seminars during the mornings and afternoons, I spent three hot, July days resting, reading, working out and staying poolside.  Yes, I was a lucky girl, indeed!  In the evenings, we explored the eclectic city of Austin in our cute little rental car, enjoyed dinner out and even went shopping for boots.  Because when in Rome...or Texas...

9. Ended 3rd year of homeschooling; began 4th term here at Fort Academy

Our curriculum left us in Ancient Greece back in May and in August, we began our history lessons with Ancient Rome. 

Field trip to Rome, Georgia, to see Romulus and Remus,
founders of Ancient Rome as legend tells it.

The girls are currently in 2nd and 5th grades this year and doing exceptionally well.  Just like any other classroom, with any other teacher, and with any other students, we have great days and on occasion, we have a few not-so-great days.  That's just life.  (Especially life spent teaching your own flesh and blood, day in and day out. ;))  We've all learned so much, but I've most certainly learned the most.  Very thankful for the second education I'm getting this go-around and very thankful for all the time I get to spend with my girls!

8.  Field trip to Kentucky and Ohio

As an extension of having gone through the Old Testament last school year, we took a road trip to the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky over spring break in April.  We also traveled to the Cincinnati Zoo and then into Indiana, just so the girls could color one more state on their map. :) On the way home, we made a quick stop in Louisville at Churchill Downs and let the girls see where the Kentucky Derby is run each spring. 

 

7.  Gymnastics & softball

In January of this year, both girls began going to gymnastics one hour, once a week at a local gymnastics center.  During the summer, they became part of a team, the Gym Stars, and are now at the gym two hours a day, two days a week.  They have had two mini/mock meets so far and also had the chance to march in the local Christmas parade with their gym.  They will begin meets in March and are very excited to have a small taste of competition.  We are shocked at how many skills both of them have gained this year, but mostly at how strong they both have become.  And I have to say they probably spend more time on their hands than their feet nowadays!

Gloria played another season of 6U softball this past spring and Derek coached her team again.  I sure hope we never stop loving being on the ballfield!

 

6.  Beach trip to Destin, Florida

It had been five years, but in September all four of us were able to go to the beach together and we couldn't have asked for a better trip.  Well...except for the last morning there.  But since I wrote about that here in my last post, I'll move ahead to the next one...

 

5. Camping in our new tent

Never say never.  Because I said I'd never sleep in a tent.  I said I'd never go camping in a tent.  But when you're family wants to try it, you give in or get left out.  So...we bought a tent (and a whole bunch of other camping supplies) and went camping in October, tent style.  And after three days snuggled up in sleeping bags, on cots, out in the great outdoors, it wasn't bad.  As a matter of fact, I could even say, it was fun, because well...it was fun.  So much so, that we just might pack up house and home and try it again in 2015. :)

 

4. Trip to New York

Anthony, my friend's husband, called in late September to let me know of his big birthday plans for his wife, Terri. She would be turning 40 in November and had always wanted to see the Broadway show, "Wicked". Terri's husband wanted to surprise her with a trip to NYC to see the show. Derek and Anthony started having conversations about the trip, how it would be even more fun if we were able to join them in the celebration, especially since the three of us had all just turned 40 within the last few months. The two of them began planning, scheduling, and making reservations for all of four of us to go.  We were successfully able to keep the entire trip a complete secret for nearly six weeks! Terri was beyond surprised when they arrived in NYC and we were already at the hotel waiting for them.  The four of us had an amazing time; it will definitely go down as one of the all-time, best vacations we've ever had!



The suckers may say, "40 sucks", but our trip to NYC sure didn't!

3.  Derek's technology conference in Orlando...and Disney World!

During the last week in January, Derek had his first technology conference of the year in Orlando.  We decided to take the whole family down earlier than his conference and enjoy a few days at Disney World.  Derek and I managed to keep our plans a total surprise for the girls.  They only thought we were going to hang out at a hotel for three days, doing school, swimming, etc. while Dad went to his sessions.  They had no idea where we were headed and all the plans we'd made. 

All of our secret planning paid off in a huge way when, shortly after 10:00pm, we approached the infamous "Welcome to Disney World" sign before entering the Disney resorts.  The girls were shocked, totally and completely surprised.  There were tears, and smiles, shrieks, and laughter.  All the emotions we'd hope we'd see, we saw late that night in the car.  When the week was over, we wound up having the most magical time (of course we did...it's Disney!), including meeting Elsa and Anna, which clinched the entire trip for them.  Here's to hoping Derek goes back to another conference in Orlando very soon!

2.  Our "over the hill" birthdays

Big year for us celebrating our big 4-0's!

 

1.  My brother is cancer-free!

In mid-January of this past year, my younger brother called with devastating news.  He had cancer, Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  For six months, every other week, he received his prescribed dose of chemotherapy.  He got sick.  He lost some weight.  He lost some hair.  But never, not that I ever saw, did he lose his fighting spirit.  Now, I'm sure he had some very difficult moments, like when he caught a stomach virus while his immune system was compromised which put him in the hospital because he was deathly ill.  And I'm sure there were others behind closed doors, but even then, he always seemed to maintain hope, bravery and positivity in the midst of it all. 

In June, when his last chemo session was all said and done, and his scans came back "normal", we celebrated.  We celebrated because not only did God walk through those stressful, hard months with my brother, his wife and our family and friends, but He chose, in His sovereign kindness, to heal my brother.  And for that reason alone, we celebrated.  And we still celebrate.  Without a doubt, the best thing that happened in our family during 2014 is that my brother is healthy and well.

He's the man!

For all our family has been extremely fortunate to do this year, we are grateful.  We are grateful for the opportunities to travel and the experiences we've had together.  As we look ahead, I thought this quote which one of my favorite comedians posted on Facebook sums up how I feel about the upcoming year:

"Hey 2015 - I see you waiting there. 

I reach out confidently to shake your hand because

I know Who goes before me and

Who is for me

and Whose I am."

~ Anita Renfroe

Happy 2015 to you all!