India/Pearl recap #2 (originally posted on Facebook while in India)

No glamorizing, no romanticizing, just honest facts about the past 24+ hours.... 

First of all, the flight to Delhi was super successful. We fed Pearl some leftover Naan bread from her lunch during takeoff and then she slept in my lap for the rest of the flight. The wait at the Pune airport prior to that flight was tough though. Derek and I were battling our 7 pieces of luggage and Pearl for three hours while we waited for boarding. She kept wandering away and I just could not hold her the whole time like she wanted; my arms were noodles. Derek told me he was just going to take her and walk with her. I told him she would squall her head off. He said he didn't care and scooped her up anyway. She threw a fit, but my man kept at it. He walked around and around, up and down steps, etc. for 45 minutes so I could have a break. I saw him singing to her, praying over her, etc. I'm not sure I've ever loved him more.

Things went downhill again after arriving at our second hotel here in Delhi. Pearl had just started getting accustomed to the first hotel, the restaurant, routines, etc. there and then we moved to this hotel. She was inconsolable when we got here late last night. We were exhausted and just wanted to unpack and get changed and in her fear, she just wanted to be held. I don't blame her. Her world has been completely turned upside down.

This morning was no different, maybe even worse. She cried from the moment she woke up until after we got her through breakfast. She is grieving so, so hard. All she has known has suddenly disappeared and she is trying to make sense of it all. She is struggling to find new routines and then we have to change it up again because of our crazy schedule here. 

We took her to her medical appointment today and she had to have a TB test. That was rough, but she immediately quieted down when I picked her up. She always does. Both Derek and I are amazed at how easily and quickly she is comforted by me, still not him though, unless he has the snacks. We go back to the Dr. in 2 days to get the results from that test. It has to be clear for us to get to come home Friday. 

We also had another appointment we had to go to. I finally put Pearl in a wrap/sling thing for the first time and she absolutely loved it. She fell asleep and slept for a long time while we waited for our paperwork to be uploaded. I also carried her in it later in the day when we meandered around the mall attached to our hotel. We found a toy store and I thought it would be good to take her out and let her roam around looking at toys. She cried (again...) and slumped to the floor. It was hard watching her in the toy store. Nothing fazed her, no excitement over anything. The only time we saw her remotely light up was when she turned around and saw a little girl and boy. She actually started following them. It's obvious she misses interaction with other children. Another reason why we can't wait to get home!

One of the hardest moments was this afternoon after her nap. Derek and I are trying to rest when she rests, so I was right beside her while she slept. All of sudden she jolted up and started screaming. I reached over to comfort her and she bit my arm (I still have the marks to show it). It took her a minute to remember where she was--not in her crib back at the orphanage.

Not every single moment has been hard. We have had a couple of bright spots. The amazing restaurant staff has graciously taken her food list from the orphanage and have been preparing meals for Pearl that she is accustomed to--free of charge! Massively HUGE blessing to finally get the food she knows and likes. Don't know what I'm going to do when we get home, but I know I will have to learn to prepare some of these Indian dishes and fast! 

After lunch, the super-friendly and super-helpful waiter at the hotel restaurant volunteered to take us to a local market to shop. We rode in an auto-rickshaw and enjoyed the cultural experience and of course, purchased a couple of goodies for Grace and Gloria (Shh...). 

We played with balloons in the hotel before dinner. Pearl cried when I started blowing them up, but after watching Derek and I tossing a big blue balloon back and forth, she decided to give it a try (from the comfort of my lap, of course). She smiled and even giggled a little. Derek noted, "She's a kid; she wants to have fun. It's just hard when you are so depressed."

Some moments we feel like we are taking one baby step forward and three giant leaps backwards. We thought we were educated about the grief and trauma, but experiencing it first hand is completely different. 

This is hard stuff. For her and for us. Derek and I just keep looking at each other asking, "How are you? Are you okay? We can do this, right?" 

One of my fellow India-adopting mamas just private messaged me some advice she got several months ago..."The baby you have in India is NOTHING like the baby you will have at home." That encouragement was nourishment for my soul. 

We are choosing to keep loving, keep trying, keep persevering and keep believing that God brings beauty from ashes and that He has called us to partner with Him in the process. I look forward to each new day of this week, not only because it brings me closer to being home, but also because of the new mercies I know are my lifeline for that day. Thank you, again, for continuing to pray for us!!!

India/Pearl recap #1 (originally posted on Facebook while in India)

Wanted to share a little recap of the last 24 hours with Pearl Divya (calling her both names right now since she was called Divya in the orphanage, but plan to use only Pearl in the future): she's eating pretty well for us, drinks water from an open glass (doesn't like her sippy cup), took a nap yesterday and slept over 10 hours straight last night (we think the stress of yesterday took over), likes to play with the baby doll and plastic keys we brought for her, and seems to find great comfort with a blanket my friend, Amy, made for her. 

She has started attaching to me by wanting me to hold her when she’s distraught, putting her head down on my shoulder and by following my every move around the hotel room.  This is huge because of the traumatic “hand-off” that occurred at the orphanage, where she literally screamed her head off, lunged backwards and fought me as hard as she could.  Sounds crazy, but this was a good sign that she saw me as a stranger and had made attachments with her caregivers.  It’s also proof that she has great potential for healthy attachments with us in the future.  Earlier today, I rocked her and sang as many worship choruses as I could remember over her, then started playing with her, making faces, etc. and not only did I get her first big smile, I even got a laugh.

Derek isn’t fairing as well with her; this is very normal with adoptive children.  Pearl has only known female caregivers, so we think he is just a little scary to her still.  She will let him give her snacks or water if I am holding her.  He is so patient and caring, gently pursuing her, but the constant pushing him away is starting to hurt.  Please pray she turns a corner soon with this.  We believe she will really start to come around when we get home and she sees her sisters interacting with him. 

In a few hours, we will head to the airport for her first flight.  We fly back to Delhi and will be there for the next week for her medical appointments, our embassy appointment and the foreign regional office appointment. Please pray however the Spirit leads you to pray; we still need them!  Thank y’all so much for all the joy and celebration you’ve shared for and with us.  Now the real work begins…letting her experience God’s amazing love as it pours through us.find great comfort with a blanket my friend, Amy Kistler made for her. She has started attaching to me by wanting me to hold her when she's distraught, putting her head down on my shoulder and by following my every move around the hotel room. find great comfort with a blanket my friend, Amy Kistler made for her. She has started attaching to me by wanting me to hold her when she's distraught, putting her head down on my shoulder and by following my every move around the hotel room.
This is huge because of the traumatic "hand-off" that occurred at the orphanage, where she literally screamed her head off, lunged backwards and fought me as hard as she could. Sounds crazy, but this was a good sign that she saw me as a stranger and had made attachments with her caregivers. It's also proof that she has great potential for a healthy attachments with us in the future.
Earlier today, I rocked her and sang as many worship choruses as I could remember over her, then started playing with her, making faces, etc. and not only did I get her first big smile, I even got a laugh.
Derek isn't fairing as well with her; this is very normal with adoptive children. Pearl has only known female caregivers, so we think he is just a little scary to her still. She will let him give her snacks or water if I am holding her. He is so patient and caring, gently pursuing her, but the constant pushing him away is starting to hurt. Please pray she turns a corner soon with this. We believe she will really start to come around when we get home and she sees find great comfort with a blanket my friend, Amy Kistler made for her. She has started attaching to me by wanting me to hold her when she's distraught, putting her head down on my shoulder and by following my every move around the hotel room.
This is huge because of the traumatic "hand-off" that occurred at the orphanage, where she literally screamed her head off, lunged backwards and fought me as hard as she could. Sounds crazy, but this was a good sign that she saw me as a stranger and had made attachments with her caregivers. It's also proof that she has great potential for a healthy attachments with us in the future.
Earlier today, I rocked her and sang as many worship choruses as I could remember over her, then started playing with her, making faces, etc. and not only did I get her first big smile, I even got a laugh.
Derek isn't fairing as well with her; this is very normal with adoptive children. Pearl has only known female caregivers, so we think he is just a little scary to her still. She will let him give her snacks or water if I am holding her. He is so patient and caring, gently pursuing her, but the constant pushing him away is starting to hurt. Please pray she turns a corner soon with this. We believe she will really start to come around when we get home and she sees find great comfort with a blanket my friend, Amy Kistler made for her. She has started attaching to me by wanting me to hold her when she's distraught, putting her head down on my shoulder and by following my every move around the hotel room.
This is huge because of the traumatic "hand-off" that occurred at the orphanage, where she literally screamed her head off, lunged backwards and fought me as hard as she could. Sounds crazy, but this was a good sign that she saw me as a stranger and had made attachments with her caregivers. It's also proof that she has great potential for a healthy attachments with us in the future.
Earlier today, I rocked her and sang as many worship choruses as I could remember over her, then started playing with her, making faces, etc. and not only did I get her first big smile, I even got a laugh.
Derek isn't fairing as well with her; this is very normal with adoptive children. Pearl has only known female caregivers, so we think he is just a little scary to her still. She will let him give her snacks or water if I am holding her. He is so patient and caring, gently pursuing her, but the constant pushing him away is starting to hurt. Please pray she turns a corner soon with this. We believe she will really start to come around when we get home and she sees find great comfort with a blanket my friend, Amy Kistler made for her. She has started attaching to me by wanting me to hold her when she's distraught, putting her head down on my shoulder and by following my every move around the hotel room.
This is huge because of the traumatic "hand-off" that occurred at the orphanage, where she literally screamed her head off, lunged backwards and fought me as hard as she could. Sounds crazy, but this was a good sign that she saw me as a stranger and had made attachments with her caregivers. It's also proof that she has great potential for a healthy attachments with us in the future.
Earlier today, I rocked her and sang as many worship choruses as I could remember over her, then started playing with her, making faces, etc. and not only did I get her first big smile, I even got a laugh.
Derek isn't fairing as well with her; this is very normal with adoptive children. Pearl has only known female caregivers, so we think he is just a little scary to her still. She will let him give her snacks or water if I am holding her. He is so patient and caring, gently pursuing her, but the constant pushing him away is starting to hurt. Please pray she turns a corner soon with this. We believe she will really start to come around when we get home and she sees her sisters interacting with him.
In a few hours, we will head to the airport for her first flight. We fly back to Delhi and will be there for the next week for her medical appointment, our embassy appointment and the foreign regional office appointment. Please pray however the Spirit leads you to pray; we still need them! Thank y'all SO much for all the joy and celebration you've shared for and with us. Now the real work begins...letting her experience God's amazing love as it pours through us.

A Little Something About Our Pearl

Pearl.

The name I absolutely, without a doubt, knew God was directing us to give our newest daughter.

Four years ago, sitting in my favorite chair, Bible in my lap, reading through Matthew 13, that word, that name, illuminated itself on the page.

"The kingdom of God is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 

When he found one of great value, he went away,

sold everything he had and bought it."

Matthew 13:45-46

Great value, immeasurable worth, a fine pearl. 

And so she was named. For four years, we've tenderly called her by her name, her God-given name, even when we had absolutely no clue who she was or who she would be.

Divya

The name of the little girl our agency called to tell us about as a possible referral and match for our family. The call came on March 20, 2015, coincidentally her first birthday.

Then came the biggest shock.

"He always has a holy surprise up His sovereign sleeve."

Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker

Our agency coordinator continued by telling us that Divya's file listed her with blonde hair and blue eyes; she had been diagnosed with a mild form of albinism.

[Albinism (albino) - an inherited condition, characterized by lack of pigment (melanin) in the skin that normally gives color to the skin, hair, and eyes.]

Then we saw her picture. 

Her skin was fair, not pale, but fair, just like ours.

Her hair, the little she had then, was pretty darn close to Grace and Gloria's hair color.

All this time, we'd been anticipating, been expecting, an adorable brown-skinned baby. And here we were staring at a little girl who looked like she already belonged in our family.

We were stunned.

Over the years, as I'd been praying for the little girl we would adopt, I prayed for her heart and for her spirit and for her mind. 

I'd prayed that she'd be confident in how God had created her and who He had created her to be.  I had spent many moments praying she'd be secure in her beauty, not comparing herself to her older sisters, not feeling like she was different in our home.

And then there was this little girl, who didn't look different at all, who no one would ever suspect was born in India.

We knew.  We knew this was our daughter, our Pearl.

We accepted her referral and have been matched with her ever since.

Never could we have guessed in a million years that God would break our hearts for India, for the girls who live in India, call us to adopt from India, and then match us with a little girl who looks like she wasn't born in India. 

I can't even explain it.  I won't try.

All I know is that God planned for her to be ours and we're about to see Miss Pearl Divya face to face for the first time..very, very soon!

[Side note: Her hair has grown out some and has actually turned brown now, just like Derek's. :)]

Cocooning - Insight into What Life Will Look Like for Us When We Get Home

It’s. Time.

Paperwork is being gathered, bags are being packed, and on Monday, as in THIS Monday, Derek and I will be boarding a plane and making the long trek to India.  (Still in total, complete shock over here...)

THANK YOU to all of you who have prayed for us, given financially, or just asked about the process. The support we have felt has been overwhelming and it is taking all I have not to walk around a continual, blubbering mess right now.

I wanted to give a little insight into what the next few months will be like for our family and tell you how you can help.

Pearl has lived just about every single day of her two short years in an orphanage, supposedly a “good” one, but still an institutionalized orphanage. She comes from a multiple-caregiver situation, has been taken care of by devoted nannies, but she has never known the concept of a Mom or Dad.

In her world, any adult in the room (most especially women) are there to take care of her. We will be spending the next year teaching her, and demonstrating to her, that we are Mom and Dad.

We will need to teach her to trust, love, and attach/bond with us.

Our prayer is that she will attach to us, and her sisters, but ultimately to her good, good, heavenly Father.

The best way for us to teach her these things is by “cocooning”, which basically means we'll be circling our wagons and hunkering down with our little family for a while.

She will be overwhelmed by foreign people, foreign smells, foreign language, etc. when we come home. It will take time for her to feel safe and secure with us.

For her sake alone, we will make her world small by not taking her out very much, or introducing her to too many people or places at first. We will essentially attempt to recreate the newborn/parent connection that she missed out on.

This principle is not permanent, but absolutely necessary in the beginning.

The best way for us to do this is by Derek and I being the ones to feed, hold, hug, instruct, and soothe Pearl. As we repeat these things over and over again, she will learn that Mom and Dad are to be trusted and loved.

 

Once Pearl establishes these bonds with us, she will be able to branch out and build other relationships (yay!)

You guys can play an important role in all of this.  We ask you to set physical boundaries at first. For a little while, this would include things like holding, excessive hugging or kissing, etc. Children from these backgrounds tend to attach very easily to anyone and everyone. 

Things like waving, high fives, and blowing kisses are TOTALLY appropriate & welcomed!

Also it will help in the healing process, if you guys redirect Pearl to us. If she comes to you for food, or to be picked up, or for emotional nurturing (like if she gets hurt), you redirecting her to me or to Derek, will help tremendously in us establishing who we are as Mom and Dad, those she can absolutely trust to meet whatever need she has.

We pray that Pearl’s healing will come quickly, but we also understand that this is a life-long journey for her and us.

We are heading into the trenches, y’all.

Please pray for Derek, Gloria, Grace, Pearl and me during this time.

Pearl is one super blessed little girl to have so many people who love her, who are cheering for her and are praying for her already!

Thank you for loving us so well!

PASSPORT, baby!

"Like cold water to a weary soul,

 is good news from a distant land."

Proverbs 25:25

From an orphanage in a country far, far away...

To an adoption agency in this country just a few states away...

We received the best, most awaited, most "scream and dance around the kitchen worthy" news.

THE PASSPORT IS READY!
THE PASSPORT IS READY!
THE PASSPORT IS READY!

AAHHHHHH!!!

Okay. So what comes next?

We are still in need (I know...I know...) of a form called Article 23 which is issued from CARA (governing agency of all things adoption related) and which usually comes on the heels of the passport.

No biggie. We should, we hope, we pray, have it this week.

Once our agency has Article 23, they will:

• coordinate our arrival with the orphanage
• schedule our appointment with the medical office where we have to take Pearl for a physical and TB testing before we can leave
• arrange our VISA appointment with the U.S. Embassy in Delhi.

While our adoption agency is taking care of those details, Derek and I will be working with an adoption travel agency to book our flights.

We will fly into the city where she is and stay there several days, then fly north to Delhi where we will stay approximately another week to complete the adoption process. Lots (& lots) of flights ahead for us!

Estimated time in India?  About two weeks.
Estimated time before we get on a plane to go to India?  About two weeks.

Eeek!!!

Let the full-force packing begin!