No glamorizing, no romanticizing, just honest facts about the past 24+ hours....
First of all, the flight to Delhi was
super successful. We fed Pearl some leftover Naan bread from her lunch during
takeoff and then she slept in my lap for the rest of the flight. The wait at the Pune airport prior to that flight was tough though. Derek and I were battling our 7
pieces of luggage and Pearl for three hours while we waited for boarding. She
kept wandering away and I just could not hold her the whole time like she
wanted; my arms were noodles. Derek told me he was just going to take her and
walk with her. I told him she would squall her head off. He said he didn't care
and scooped her up anyway. She threw a fit, but my man kept at it. He walked
around and around, up and down steps, etc. for 45 minutes so I could have a
break. I saw him singing to her, praying over her, etc. I'm not sure I've ever
loved him more.
Things went downhill again after arriving at our second hotel here in Delhi. Pearl had just started getting accustomed to the first hotel, the restaurant, routines, etc. there and then we moved to this hotel. She was inconsolable when we got here late last night. We were exhausted and just wanted to unpack and get changed and in her fear, she just wanted to be held. I don't blame her. Her world has been completely turned upside down.
This morning was no different, maybe even worse. She cried from the moment she woke up until after we got her through breakfast. She is grieving so, so hard. All she has known has suddenly disappeared and she is trying to make sense of it all. She is struggling to find new routines and then we have to change it up again because of our crazy schedule here.
We took her to her medical appointment today and she had to have a TB test. That was rough, but she immediately quieted down when I picked her up. She always does. Both Derek and I are amazed at how easily and quickly she is comforted by me, still not him though, unless he has the snacks. We go back to the Dr. in 2 days to get the results from that test. It has to be clear for us to get to come home Friday.
We also had another appointment we had to go to. I finally put Pearl in a wrap/sling thing for the first time and she absolutely loved it. She fell asleep and slept for a long time while we waited for our paperwork to be uploaded. I also carried her in it later in the day when we meandered around the mall attached to our hotel. We found a toy store and I thought it would be good to take her out and let her roam around looking at toys. She cried (again...) and slumped to the floor. It was hard watching her in the toy store. Nothing fazed her, no excitement over anything. The only time we saw her remotely light up was when she turned around and saw a little girl and boy. She actually started following them. It's obvious she misses interaction with other children. Another reason why we can't wait to get home!
One of the hardest moments was this afternoon after her nap. Derek and I are trying to rest when she rests, so I was right beside her while she slept. All of sudden she jolted up and started screaming. I reached over to comfort her and she bit my arm (I still have the marks to show it). It took her a minute to remember where she was--not in her crib back at the orphanage.
Not every single moment has been hard. We have had a couple of bright spots. The amazing restaurant staff has graciously taken her food list from the orphanage and have been preparing meals for Pearl that she is accustomed to--free of charge! Massively HUGE blessing to finally get the food she knows and likes. Don't know what I'm going to do when we get home, but I know I will have to learn to prepare some of these Indian dishes and fast!
After lunch, the super-friendly and super-helpful waiter at the hotel restaurant volunteered to take us to a local market to shop. We rode in an auto-rickshaw and enjoyed the cultural experience and of course, purchased a couple of goodies for Grace and Gloria (Shh...).
We played with balloons in the hotel before dinner. Pearl cried when I started blowing them up, but after watching Derek and I tossing a big blue balloon back and forth, she decided to give it a try (from the comfort of my lap, of course). She smiled and even giggled a little. Derek noted, "She's a kid; she wants to have fun. It's just hard when you are so depressed."
Some moments we feel like we are taking one baby step forward and three giant leaps backwards. We thought we were educated about the grief and trauma, but experiencing it first hand is completely different.
This is hard stuff. For her and for us. Derek and I just keep looking at each other asking, "How are you? Are you okay? We can do this, right?"
One of my fellow India-adopting mamas just private messaged me some advice she got several months ago..."The baby you have in India is NOTHING like the baby you will have at home." That encouragement was nourishment for my soul.
We are choosing to keep loving, keep trying, keep persevering and keep believing that God brings beauty from ashes and that He has called us to partner with Him in the process. I look forward to each new day of this week, not only because it brings me closer to being home, but also because of the new mercies I know are my lifeline for that day. Thank you, again, for continuing to pray for us!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment