Post Mother's Day Post

Mother's Day.  Some loved it.  Some didn't.  Some were excited about it.  Some were not.

I confess I've had mixed opinions over the years.  And recently, I may have even dubbed it my "least favorite holiday."

For me, it was the burden of expectation.  The sense of obligation.  The "have-to's" and "should-haves".  The let-downs and the disappointments. 

It became too much for me.  So I downplayed it with my husband and my own girls, until the past couple of years when I've felt the Lord helping me to achieve some much-needed balance.  Now, I can walk in freedom with the whole thing.

No guilt.  No worries.  No burdens.  Not about what I did do or didn't do.  Not about what I have done or haven't done. 

Just the freedom to enjoy the weekend with my family.

I love being a mom.  I really do.  But the last thing I want for my girls to feel is that I need them to fill my love tank.  Don't get me wrong.  I absolutely, without a doubt, appreciate their encouragement, their sweet gestures and their kind words.  But my survival and worth as a mother is not tied to it.  And their worth and value as my daughters should not be linked to it.

I want them to feel free to express their affection to me however they want to, when they want to, not only when they feel they should. 

And I know the mother-daughter relationship can be very complex.  Some days are good.  Some not-so-good.  Some seasons are easier.  Some, more challenging. 

But as I lead my girls and teach them to navigate our relationship and the world around us, here's a short list of things I say to them and pray they will know deep in the core of their being:

1.  I love you and treasure you because you are mine.  Period.

2.  My love for you will not change because of what you do or what you don't do; I will not love you any more or any less based on your behavior or choices, your successes or failures.

3.  I am FOR you.  I am NEVER against you.  I am on your team.  I will always be your biggest cheerleader and coach.

4.  You may have come from me, but you are not an extension of me.  You are a distinct individual, created by God Himself with a specific personality, specific giftedness, abilities, and plans for this life.

5.  It's okay if we don't agree from time to time; it's okay if we do agree from time to time.  I love and respect the differences and similarities in our opinions, outlooks and preferences. 

6.  I absolutely do not expect you to be just like me, nor do I want you to be.  I only want you to be who God designed and purposed you to be.

7.  As you grow and mature, take what you've received and pass it down to others. Love as you have been loved.  Give as it has been given to you.  Serve as you have been served.

8.  I am here for you.  If you need me, I'm here.  If you don't, I'm still here.

9.  I will tell you the Truth.  Whether you like it or not, or want to hear it or not, I will tell it.

10.  I will pray for you.  You can count on it.  It's singlehandedly the most important privilege I have as your mother.

So, now and for future Mother's Days, I'd rather focus on the camaraderie.  The fellowship of valiant mama-warriors who fight for their children nearly every minute of every day.  Because I've learned that motherhood ain't for sissies.  It's for the bravehearted, but also for the tenderhearted. 

It's for all of the women who display mothering hearts, whether they have children to call their own or not.  It's for those who teach and share and love and guide and care.  For those whose mother-love spills over to anyone in need of mothering.  These mama bears, forever looking out for the little cubs who cross their paths.

At the end of Sunday's service, our pastor asked for all the mothers to stand.  He read a very kind "thank you" note of sorts to all the mothers, supposedly written from a child's point of view.  It was an emotional display of gratitude to all the mothers.  And I appreciated it; I even teared up during it. 

But for the first time ever during a Mother's Day service, my heart was torn.  I wanted to soak in the moment for me, but found myself aching for a host of other women.  For those women who longed to stand, but could not.  For those waiting for the day they get to stand.  For those who've accepted the reality they may never stand. 

For those who've suffered loss.  For those who still long to mother and that time hasn't come yet.  For those still in a season of waiting.  For those who have suffered a difficult or strained relationship with their mothers.  For those abandoned by their mothers.  For those whose mothers are no longer present in their lives. 

And if you are one of these women, Mother's Day might not have been a welcomed day on your calendar either.  You may have preferred to skip right over it.  In some ways, I understand.  And I pray for you.  

Whatever our role or position as women, let's brave the battlefield together.  Let's step in for the sake of the next generation, for the mothers now and the ones to come, knowing all the while Who gathers us and leads us as we go.

"He tends His flock like a shepherd: 

He gathers the lambs in His arms and
carries them close to His heart;

He gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11