I opened my eyes and awakened to my true reality. Not the dream I just had. Not the horrible nightmare I'd just lived through in the subconscious areas of my mind.
With a rapidly beating, yet very grateful heart, I gave thanks for the new day and the two little lives who are still mine. Still here in our home. Still whole and healthy. Still in need of my care.
I think about my daughters constantly. Nearly every minute of every hour of every day.
What are they doing?
How are they doing?
Are they safe?
Are they protected?
Are they hungry?
Are they tired?
Are they prepared?
What do they need?
What do they want?
Are they listening?
Do they understand?
Are they learning enough?
Are they playing enough?
Are they hurting?
Are they content?
What are they thinking?
What are they saying?
How are they feeling?
How will this affect them in the future?
What kind of teenagers will they be?
What kind of adults will they be?
What kind of mothers will they be?
The wheels seem to be spinning on a never-ending loop inside my head.
As much as I try to tell myself I'm not really worrying or being anxious about anything, deep down I know I probably am. As much as I try to convince myself I am trusting the Lord with every detail in my life and theirs, deep down I know I struggle with relinquishing control. Is it possible you could relate?
As I lay in bed this morning, contemplating my dream, this verse came to mind:
"God, Your thoughts about me are priceless. No one can possibly add them all up. If I could count them, they would be more than the grains of sand." Psalm 139:17-18a (NIrV)
In thinking a multitude of thoughts toward my daughters, I realized I am, in fact, emulating my Father. My Father, who thinks so many priceless thoughts of His children, that they cannot even be counted. More than the innumerable grains of sand by the sea.
Unlike me, His thoughts are Divinely incapable of being consumed with worry, anxiety or fear. He holds His children in the safe, secure palm of His hand. He is sovereign and in total control. His thoughts are not my thoughts, nor are His ways like my ways.
His thoughts are higher than mine. His thoughts are for me, not against me. His thoughts are full of great love. He has thoughts only a doting parent could have for His child.
Time to refocus. Time to think less on the weighty, burdensome questions and thoughts. But instead, think on that which is "true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy." (Philippians 4:8)
Concerning my girls, I'm choosing to think about such things:
How adorable...
How delightful...
How insightful...
How brilliant...
How entertaining...
How talented...
How kind-hearted...
How helpful...
How challenging...
How tender...
How perceptive...
How sensitive...
How obedient...
How strong...
How brave...
How bold...
How fun...
How loving...
How grateful and blessed I am they're mine.
These are my priceless thoughts about them.
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